The Boy From Everywhere

Ch. 21: The Lights

Of course, there are always drawbacks to developing feelings for someone.

Honestly, what was I expecting? Since when could I even afford to like someone? Especially in my current circumstances? But in reality, no matter what I do, I'll always be bound to fall for the first person to show me kindness, anyway. And there would eventually come a point in which it would be difficult for me to hide it.

They often always just started avoiding me as soon as it showed. Back then, it never really mattered much after it happened, because Mom and Dad were there to comfort me and remind me that there's always gonna be someone better out there. This time is different, though. Not to mention, the one person I expect to comfort me when I'm sad is literally also the same person I expect to start ignoring me once he found out I had feelings for him.

I don't want him to suddenly start ignoring me. I'm terrified that he will.

"Hey, Hannah? What's your favorite book?"

But I'm also terrified of letting him go. I don't want to just move away from him because I'm scared of him finding out about my feelings.

I turned to Eli, looking up from my homework. He was busy arranging books into stacks right in front of me before he would go on to shelf them. Though, he had stopped for a moment as he held one book up, observing it. The cover looked a cool blue, and the title was a cursive white, but I couldn't make out what it read. Seeing how it caught Eli's attention, though, I'm guessing it was a romance book.

"... I never really thought about that," I eventually replied, watching as Eli set the book aside before he continued categorizing. "But there's this book that really stuck with me. I don't think I remember the title, but it was the first to make me cry. It was about Beatrice Potter, the writer of Peter Rabbit."

"Oh... Why did it make you cry? Was it tragic?"

I leaned my cheek against my propped arm, as my gaze went away to the shelves. "I guess you could say that. I just don't like how her life went. It just seemed all too unfair. Anyway, I read that book before I moved in with my aunt. Looking back, I think I might have been happier if I were in her shoes, half-crazy with all her imaginary friends, and a man who chose to stay regardless."

"Huh." Eli replied like his curiosity had been fed just about enough. "What kind of man stayed with her? Is he something like your type?"

My eyes widened when he said those words, though, and before I could come up with something to say, coughs came out of my mouth instead. The sound echoed across the library, and as they returned, I ducked my head and hid my reddening face, suddenly embarrassed of the noise I had just made.

Right. I forgot Eli's tendency to talk like that. Just why does he do that again?

"What... why... Why do you wanna know?" I asked after a few seconds during which I calmed myself down. My eyes were narrowed as I looked back at Eli, but the look he returned to me was nothing but innocent, blinking, and seemingly unaware of what he did.

"Why? What if it turned out to be me?" He smiled, still blinking, and I breathed in deep before sighing exasperatedly. Once again, my face fell to the table.

I can't keep dealing with this. My heart will explode if it keeps going, or Eli will actually find out about my feelings and maybe he might-

And once again, my eyes opened wide, and I froze as the thought turned in my head a bit more. Eli wouldn't do that, would he? He doesn't seem like the type of person to just ignore someone because they like him.

I furrowed my brows as I looked back at Eli. Our eyes met and I flinched, but then he smiled at me like he always did, before continuing his work. I pursed my lips as I continued watching him. I could go on like this forever, just watching him organizing books while he smiled at me every now and then.