DEAD AND GONE.

The devil tempted Jesus THREE times before he fled from him. I recently went to a Christian Camp by the name of Camp Decision. While I was there, all chains were broken from me. All pain and suffering fled from me. I was filled with God, there was no other feeling in description. People were so touched by God, the pastors would lay hands on them and they would pass out in the spirit. They said there was a peace that overcame them. I remember my first two days I was getting use to all of this. To see 1200+ teenagers speaking in tongues on their knees praying and crying out loud was an irreplaceable thing to see. I have always been the strong type of girl, never cry. That's weak. Confidence was everything. Insecurity is weakness.'' I've been through to much to be soft. '' I'd say. I use to think I was the Alpha. That's why I couldn't ever keep a relationship going. I thought I was always to good for the male or I didn't need them. I was bossy,thought I was the BOSS. Thought I had it all. Before this camp, I had a reality check. I noticed I had insecurities. I had a lot. I noticed i'm not as a tough cookie as I thought. That act can only go but so long. When I got the camp, in my third day. I remember crying my eyes out like a baby. Rocking side to side with my hands extended fully. Singing praise to God. I use to be terrified to sing infront of people. I remember the song saying '' No matter what I see, No matter what I feel, my hope will always be in your promises to me. IM CASTING OUT ALL FEAR. For your love has set me free''. I remember singing that at the top of my lungs, I'm no Whitney Houston or Beyonce either. Strangers would come over and lay their hands on me and pray and just hold me. I guess I looked crazy.  Tears wouldn't stop coming . I haven't cried that hard since my father died in 2012. This cry was different, different songs came. About chains breaking, and I remember imagining chains breaking off of me, And me stepping out of them. The next day, I didn't feel the same. I didn't want to praise and worship. I prayed that God would Fill me up and the Devil would flee from me. About 5-10 minutes later, I started crying again. We are in front of the stage, people singing beautifully in tongues,praising God, I'm crying fully. My friend is just holding me as tears cascade from my heart. My eyes are out of the picture. Fast forwarding through the rest of camp, I'm home now. I've noticed I've been dreaming about past things I'm not to proud of. It's the devil trying to come back to me. The pastor told us that the devil will try and come back and he'll come back stronger. So he's not entering my dreams. This morning, I was so tempted to do that particular sin again.  Like previously stated, The Devil tempted Jesus THREE times. He came over me STRONGLY three times this morning. At points I had to set everything aside and just pray, hold on to something, and completely separate myself. I held through. After those three times, the DEVIL FLED FROM ME. Just like he fled from Jesus after those three times. I remember being in my bathroom so ecstatic that I got through it. With the help of God. The Devil thought he had me. I  must admit, it wasn't easy. The old me is DEAD AND GONE. And I'm proud to say it. This sin that has been with me for the longest is GONE FROM ME COMPLETELY. I smiled and just sung T.I's ''Dead and Gone'' over and over again.

LONG STORY SHORT. YOU CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH IT. Put your FAITH in GOD ,pray to him. Look up how to overcome it. I overcame temptation this morning. Whatever it is, you got it. God is able. God lets the Devil test us to see if we are going to go with the Devil or resist him.  Its NOT easy. Separate yourself COMPLETELY. Walk out the room, put that phone,tablet,or laptop down. Walk out the building, trash the item, whatever it is that your going through dispose of it. Shut it down. However it is that you have to do it. Do it.  The influence was so strong, but its gone. Three times and its gone. I doubt it wont come back again in time. But im ready. The old me is REALLY DEAD AND GONE.  I live for God and God only. No male can make me feel loved, I know im beautiful. I know that God is good, I know what I want to do now. If any of you have read my Rap skill named ''Hurt'' you basically read all my new-found insecurities. Well, should I say PAST insecurities. Its gone. I know im beautiful, I know i'm loved, Regardless if a Guy loves me or thinks im beautiful. I know everything God creates is Beautiful. Just keep your faith up, separate yourself, and surround yourself with the RIGHT Things and you'll make it. The reward and feeling at the end of overcoming is amazing. 

You got this!

Thank you for listening to my long take on the old and new.

Stay Lovely and God bless! Any questions you want to ask feel free to inbox me, Kik me, or Comment. To get my kik simply privately inbox me. Love you all. Bye-bye.