Alice

16. Arrow

16. Arrow

I'd like to say that I cried myself to sleep that night. But I didn't. I cried until I couldn't cry any more. When the tears went dry, I lay there, my face buried in the wet pillow. All I could feel now was pain. It felt like there was an arrow in my chest. And that made sense. Jack had shot an arrow into my heart, and it had shattered. I finally knew why the symbol of a broken heart was an arrow through a heart. That's exactly what it felt like.

I don't remember going to sleep. I just remember my dream.

It wasn't really a dream, just bits of memories. They started out as happy memories: Jack's smile, his laugh, his voice whispering my name, when he'd said he'd loved me, our first kiss, his hand in mine......

But then they shifted to become bad memories. The hurt look on his face when he realized what I'd done. The black and blue marks on his face from where she'd slapped him. The Queen of Hearts whispering in my ear, describing Jack's death. His voice echoed in my head, "You are just like her." His eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, with that haunting look of pure pain and sadness. Because I had made him sad. I'd hurt him.

My eyes snapped open. The pain in my chest had grown. I tried to go back to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, all I could see were his, sad and full of pain.

Finally, I gave up trying to go back to sleep. I got up, not bothering to dress. I was still wearing my sweatshirt and sweats. I slipped on my converse and padded out into the hallway.

It was dark and quiet. I made my way outside. It was still snowing, and there were tons of snow on the ground, trees, bushes, and on the roof of the castle. It was a good symbol for the way I'd felt: cold and colorless.

I crunched through the snow, heading toward the gate. I couldn't stay there anymore. I wanted to go home. I had nothing here anymore. I would go back, make up some story about why I'd been absent for so long, and go off to college. I'd forget all about this place, pretend it'd just been a figment of my imagination.

A cold wind blew through me, making me shiver. I hugged myself, trying to get warm.

"Isn't a little cold to be traveling?" a voice said.

I whirled around to find no one there. When I turned back around, a cat's grinning head hung in the air.

"Oh. Hi, Cheshire," I said, disappointed.

"Expecting someone special?" the Cheshire Cat inquired.

Yep. "No."

"So....." the cat purred, making his body appear. "Where are you going?"

"Home," I answered, starting to walk again. The cat followed me, floating in midair.

"And how, might I ask, are you going to get there?"

"I'm still working on that part."

"I see."

I kept walking, wondering why he was following me.

"You know, I don't think leaving is the best idea," he told me.

"And why not?" I demanded, stopping in my tracks.

"Well, you see, if you leave now, who's going to overthrow the Queen?"

"Not my problem," I said, starting up again.

"All right then. What about the Jack of Hearts?"

"What about him? He thinks I betrayed him."

"Didn't you?" he questioned.