Info:
- ship: Stenbrough
- type: Bill Denbrough angst, established relationship, secret relationship, Georgie's funeral
- ages: Bill is 11, Stan is 12
- summary: Bill watches as they lower the empty casket that would have laid his baby brother into the ground; he wants to cry but he remembers his parents telling him that he doesn't deserve to cry that he's the reason their youngest son is dead and they're right if he didn't fake being sick then maybe his little brother would still be here but with his secret boyfriend he can finally let his walls come crashing down without his parents constantly blaming him for the death of his younger brother.
- setting: IT 1990
- sexuality: Stan is gay, Bill is bisexual
TW: minor child abuse, minor homophobic language
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Bill watches as they lower the empty casket that would have laid his baby brother he wants to cry like everyone else but he remembers what his parents told him just before they arrived to the funeral.
"You don't deserve to cry at his funeral you're the reason he's dead" said Sharon.
"I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-was s-s-s-s-sick, m-m-m-m-mom" said Bill.
He expected them to understand that was sick that he wasn't allowed to go out in the rain to play with his baby brother. He wanted his parents to know that he wasn't the reason his baby brother was dead that maybe some sick person murdered his brother in cold blood. What he didn't expect was for his mom to slap him.
"You're lying! You were just faking it just so you wouldn't have to play with your brother in the rain now he's dead because of you!" yelled Sharon.
Bill holds his cheek with tears starting to form in his eyes. He wants to run and call one of his friends to get a ride with them to the church while his parents grieve without him there making it hard for them to grieve in silence over the death of their youngest son. Maybe he should call his boyfriend Stanley and tell him about his situation but leave out the fact that his mom slapped him. Nobody knows that the great Stuttering Bill the one who's brave among his friends is gay and dating his best friend Stanley Uris. Their parents don't know. Their friends most definitely don't know. It's a secret that only the two of them know and they tend to keep it that way until they're ready to come out maybe when they're far away from people who will judge them or kill them for being themselves.
"It was just a slap don't be a fuckin' pussy or are you a fag" said Zack.
"I-I-I-I-I'm n-n-n-n-not g-g-g-g-gay" said Bill.
"Oh really if you're not a fag then why did you write Mr. Bill Uris in your journal" said Zack.
Bill can't believe his dad found his journal he thought he for sure hid it very well so nobody could ever find it now his parents know he's gay and that he wants to marry his secret boyfriend once they are old enough to leave Derry.
"Once we're at the funeral maybe I should walk up to Stanley's parents and tell them that their only son is a fag so they can send him far away from you or better yet maybe me and your mom should send you somewhere to get fix far away from your boy toy" said Zack.
Bill was scared he didn't want his dad to talk to Stanley's parents and for them to take Stanley away from him. Stanley was his anchor the only person who ever saw him cry. The person who Bill can let his walls down without being brave all the time. He'll take the blame sure he'll be sent far away from Derry to get fix but it rather be him and not Stanley he just hopes that when he returns that Stanley would be waiting for him looking way older then he was when Bill left so they can leave Derry and start a life together far away from their homophobic town.
Back in reality, Bill doesn't know how long he's been standing there because it starts to rain and people were running to their cars to get out of the rain. He hates the rain because it was on this rainy day that the Derry Police showed up at his house and told his parents that Georgie was dead. He doesn't know how long he was standing in the rain looking at his baby brothers gravestone until he heard his boyfriends voice.
"Billy come on before you catch a cold your parents already left and my parents said they can drive you home or if you want you can come home with me" said Stanley.
"I-i-i-i-it s-s-s-s-should h-h-h-h-have b-b-b-b-been m-m-m-m-me," said Bill, not taking his eyes off the gravestone.
"What?" asked Stan.
Bill finally takes his eyes off of his brothers gravestone and looks into Stanley's brown eyes.
"I-i-i-i-if I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-didn't f-f-f-f-fake b-b-b-b-being s-s-s-s-sick t-t-t-t-then G-G-G-G-G-Georgie w-w-w-w-would s-s-s-s-still b-b-b-b-be h-h-h-here" said Bill.
"Who told you that? Was it your parents?" asked Stanley.
"I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-d-didn't s-s-s-s-say a-a-a-a-anything a-a-a-a-about m-m-m-m-my p-p-p-p-parents" said Bill.
"You didn't need to say anything about your parents because I can read you like a book, Billy. So, what did they tell you?" said Stan.
"T-t-t-t-they s-s-s-s-said i-i-i-i-it's m-m-m-m-my f-f-f-f-fault t-t-t-t-that Guh-Guh-Guh-Guh-Guh-Georgie d-d-d-d-died" said Bill.
"What happened to Georgie wasn't your fault, Billy you were sick and if you went out into the rain you would get worse" said Stan.
"M-m-m-m-my p-p-p-p-parents a-a-a-a-are r-r-r-r-right i-i-i-i-if I-I-I-I d-d-d-d-didn't f-f-f-f-fake b-b-b-b-being s-s-s-s-sick t-t-t-t-then G-G-G-G-Georgie w-w-w-w-would s-s-s-s-still b-b-b-b-be a-a-a-a-alive" said Bill.
"Look at me, Billy," said Stan, walking up to Bill and putting his hand on his cheek. "What happened to Georgie was not your fault, okay?"
"T-t-t-t-they'll a-a-a-a-always t-t-t-t-think i-i-i-i-it's m-m-m-m-my f-f-f-f-fault n-n-n-n-not t-t-t-t-to m-m-m-m-mention m-m-m-m-my d-d-d-d-dad f-f-f-f-found o-o-o-o-out I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-was g-g-g-g-gay a-a-a-a-and t-t-t-t-that I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-wrote M-M-M-M-Mr. B-B-B-B-Bill U-U-U-U-Uris i-i-i-i-in m-m-m-m-my j-j-j-j-journal. H-h-h-h-he e-e-e-e-even t-t-t-t-threatened t-t-t-t-to t-t-t-t-tell y-y-y-y-your p-p-p-p-parents s-s-s-s-so y-y-y-y-you c-c-c-c-can b-b-b-b-be s-s-s-s-sent a-a-a-a-away b-b-b-b-but d-d-d-d-don't I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-worry I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-was g-g-g-g-gonna t-t-t-t-take t-t-t-t-the f-f-f-f-fall y-y-y-y-you d-d-d-d-don't d-d-d-d-don't d-d-d-d-deserve t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b-be s-s-s-s-sent a-a-a-a-away i-i-i-i-if I-I-I-I-I w-w-w-w-was t-t-t-t-the o-o-o-o-one w-w-w-w-who k-k-k-k-kissed y-y-y-y-you f-f-f-f-first a-a-a-a-and y-y-y-y-you g-g-g-g-gay" said Bill.
"You want to marry me and take my last name when we're older?" asked Stanley.
"Fuck! F-f-f-f-forget I-I-I-I-I s-s-s-s-said a-a-a-a-anything a-a-a-a-about m-m-m-m-marriage w-w-w-w-we're t-t-t-t-too y-y-y-y-young t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b-be t-t-t-t-talking a-a-a-a-about m-m-m-m-marriage b-b-b-b-besides I-I-I-I-I'm p-p-p-p-pretty s-s-s-s-sure y-y-y-y-you d-d-d-d-don't w-w-w-w-want t-t-t-t-to m-m-m-m-marry m-m-m-m-me" said Bill.
"Of course I want to marry you when we're older because I love you Bill Denbrough" said Stan.
Bill looks around making sure nobody is looking straight at them before kissing Stan and pulling away. "And I love you Stanley Uris," Bill grabs Stan's hand before heading towards Stan's parents car.
To everyone it looks like two friends holding hands but to them it's so much more.
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A/N: Let me know what Losers Club ship you want me to write next leave your suggestions in the comments it might take me a while to write them until I come up with a good title.
