Beneath The Surface

Chapter 42: Silent Torment

Trigger Warning !
This chapter contains mentions of rape, which may be upsetting or triggering for some readers.
Please proceed with caution.

--- Raven's POV ---

After hours of flying and driving, we finally reach home. Marco's estate comes into view, and memories of the night he kicked me out flood my mind. The pain and rejection still feel fresh, even after everything that’s happened.

When we come to a stop, Marco and Ace step out. Ace helps me out of the back seat, his grip firm yet gentle. My eyes dart to Marco, almost searching for permission to go inside the house. But then it hits me, I don’t need to ask his permission. He had kicked me out, made it very clear how he felt about me, even if he had apologized. I don’t belong here with them, he made that clear.

I turn to Ace, my voice unwavering and firm. “When will you be taking me back to my apartment?”

Ace looks at me, surprise flickering across his face. "Raven," he begins, but I cut him off.

“I don’t belong here, Ace. Marco made that clear. I just want to go back to my apartment,” I say, my voice strong and resolute.

Marco steps forward, his eyes intense. “Raven, you’re not going back to that apartment. It’s not safe.”

I meet his gaze, feeling a surge of defiance. “Then where am I supposed to go, Marco? You made it clear I’m not welcome here.”

His expression hardens, leaving no room for argument. “I was wrong, Raven. I was blinded by my anger and fear. But I see now that you belong with us. You’re staying here.”

I glare at him, my frustration boiling over. “And why should I trust you now? After everything you did, after everything you said?”

Marco steps closer, his voice low and commanding. “Because I will not make the same mistake twice. You belong here with us, and I will do whatever it takes to make this right. You’re staying here, where it’s safe, where you’re with us.”

Ace squeezes my hand, his touch grounding me. “We’re not letting you go back to that apartment, Raven. We want you here, safe with us.”

I take a deep breath, trying to process their words. The memories of the past few weeks weigh heavily on me, and the idea of going back to that empty apartment fills me with dread. Despite everything, a part of me still longs for the safety and comfort I once felt with them.

“Okay,” I finally say, my voice barely above a whisper, but with a hint of acceptance. “I’ll stay.”

Marco nods, his eyes unwavering. Ace wraps an arm around my shoulders, guiding me towards the house. As we walk inside, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever truly feel at home again.

Ace continues to lead me upstairs, his arm still around my shoulders. As we ascend, I realize we’re heading toward Marco’s room, the room we used to share. I stop dead in my tracks, looking up at Ace.

“I’m not staying in Marco’s room,” I say firmly.

Marco, who has just stepped up the last stair, hears this. I see the hurt and regret in his eyes.

He speaks up, his voice soft but determined. “I’ll take a guest room. You can stay in my room with Ace if you’d like.”

“No,” I reply quickly. “I’ll take a guest room. By myself.”

Ace moves to intervene, but I cut him off, “I just need space right now.” I see the hurt in his eyes, the surprise. He doesn’t deserve this, but I need to be alone.

Without another word, I turn and walk down the hall, my footsteps echoing in the silence. I find an empty guest room and slip inside, closing the door behind me. Leaning my back against it, I slide down to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest.

For a moment, I let myself feel the weight of everything that has happened. I’ve finally reached rock bottom. I never thought I could sink this low. There’s no light at the end of this tunnel, no glimmer of hope. Everything I held dear is being erased by my demons, one by one. I fought for so long, but now, I feel like I have nothing left to give.

If things had been different, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t feel like I do now, broken, defeated, and utterly lost. I think of Marco’s regret, the hurt in Ace’s eyes, and it’s almost too much to bear. They don’t deserve this, but I don’t know how to let them in, not when I’m drowning in my own pain.

I take a deep breath and push myself to my feet. I move toward the ensuite bathroom, turning on the light and staring at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are hollow, my face pale and drawn. For the first time since it happened, I allow myself to utter the words in my mind. Ivan had raped me. The weight of it crushes me, and I feel like a shell of who I used to be. How do I put the pieces back together when they’re shattered beyond recognition?

I take a deep breath, trying to push the thoughts aside, but they linger. I have to find a way out of this darkness, but right now, I can’t see a path forward. For now, all I can do is stand here, alone, and try to make sense of the shattered pieces of my life.

I decide to take a long, hot shower, hoping the water will wash away some of the darkness clinging to me. Undressing and stepping into the steaming spray, I close my eyes and let the heat seep into my bones, trying to drown out the thoughts that won't stop haunting me. The water pounds against my skin, but it can’t reach the deepest wounds.

I scrub myself harder, as if I can erase what’s been done, but the memories stick like a second skin. The images of Ivan’s brutality, the feeling of helplessness, it’s all too much. I slide down to the floor of the shower, letting the water cascade over me, my tears mingling with the stream.

Eventually, the water starts to run cold, and I force myself to stand. Wrapping a towel around me, I step out of the shower and dry off. The mirror is fogged up, hiding my reflection, and I’m grateful for that small mercy. I don’t want to see the broken person staring back at me.

I walk back into the bedroom, slipping on the pair of pajamas that was placed on the bed, probably by Ace. The bed looks inviting, a haven from the pain, and I crawl under the covers, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the darkness. Maybe sleep will bring some relief, a temporary escape from the torment that’s become my reality.

I pull the blankets up to my chin, curling into a ball. The silence of the room presses in on me, but I welcome it. I need to shut everything out, to let the darkness take over. Closing my eyes, I try to will myself into oblivion, hoping that for a few precious hours, I can forget.