Winging It: Exceptionally Beautiful ~ {A Rizzoli & Isles Fanfiction}

Take a Break

It has been a few days after we brought little Trevor home and can I just say he is exhausting. He is a very active baby and does not enjoy sleeping. For some odd reason, he does not like it when Bret and I sleep either. I do not remember Elizabeth being like this at all- she was the perfect baby compared to Trevor. Our nightly schedule consists of waking up every hour for either a feeding or just because the baby wants to be held. I guess it is pretty safe to say that we have not gotten any sleep at all.

Even though he is a bad baby, he is just too cute. He also looks completely normal- no one could even tell he has cerebral palsy. Since Trevor is only a few weeks old, we are not entirely sure how his disability effects him just yet. Doctors said it could take a few years to find out, but we do not mind- all we care about is that he is healthy.

As for work- I filled out my resignation papers, but have not yet delivered them to Cavanaugh. Bret still fully believes that I am making a mistake by resigning, but my babies need me here at home. I have made something of myself, saved lives, healed hearts, answered questions, put people's minds at ease...there is not much more I could do besides being a mother. Jane is also pretty upset with me for wanting to do this, but I feel like the mother inside her understands why I want to. Angela had the same reaction as any other mother- she wants me to thoroughly think about my decision before I do this, because once it is done, there is no going back. I think that is the reason I have not yet given my resignation letter to Cavanaugh.

On another note, Trevor has been getting many visitors. Lexi and Korsak came by the other day to drop off gifts for the baby. Trevor already has some fans! He also loves the attention. Sometimes Lexi and Kate would be kind enough to babysit long enough for Bret and me to get some sleep. I am so blessed to have them. If I didn't, I would look like a zombie every day!

Today, Jane and the girls offered to babysit Elizabeth and Trevor so Bret and I can go out. We were incredibly grateful for this offer because I have not left my house since the baby came home from the hospital. "Are you sure you won't mind watching them?" I asked Jane, Kate, and Lexi.

"Not at all! Emma wants to play with Elizabeth as well," Jane answered, making me feel better.

Bret grabbed my coat and wrapped it around me as I told Jane, "Remember, Trevor is due for a feeding in fifteen minutes. I pumped some milk into a few bottles and have them sitting on the second shelf of the fridge. If he gets fussy, give him his penguin toy- it's his favorite."

"Got it," Jane replied.

"And we normally put him down for a nap at 8:30, but he will only sleep for about twenty minutes, long enough for one of us to take a quick shower."

"Ok, Maura..."

"And if he starts to cry, hold him near the fan- he likes the noise. And--"

Jane interrupted me as she said, "Go on your date, Maur! T will be fine, don't worry."

"Yeah, babe, let's go," Bret added.

"You're right, I'm sorry. It's just my first time without him since he came home," I responded before saying our goodbyes.

As we were driving, I remained quiet, although my thoughts were as loud as they can be. I kept thinking about my career and Trevor. I have worked my ass off for many, many, many years trying to get to where I am currently at. I have given up many aspects of my personal life so I can help others. Deep down inside, I really do not want to give everything I have worked so hard for up - I just wouldn't be who I am if I did not have that job.

On the other hand, Trevor needs my full, undivided attention. Because of my amazing work ethic through the years, I have made enough money to retire now and still be able to fully support my family. Before I could think any further, I heard Bret say to me, "Maur, you need to stop."

Turning to him, I asked, "Need to stop what?"

"You need to stop thinking about the future and only worry about the now."

"Stop thinking about the future? Bret, our whole lives are about to change whether we like it or not! We both need to start thinking about what we want to do with our lives and what is best for Elizabeth and Trevor! Don't tell me to not think about the future, because that is all we have left."

"Listen to me. Whatever happens, T will be fine. Lizzy will be fine. We will be fine. As long as we are together."

I stayed quiet for a minute before continuing, "You know I feel like we haven't been together recently."

"What the hell down that mean?" he asked as he looked over at me while at a red light.

"I don't know. I feel like we aren't much of a couple anymore."

"Great. That's a great thing to say to your husband as he's taking you out on a date."

"I didn't mean it like that-"

"Bullshit," he said as he cut me off. "You know what, Maur. The way you've been acting recently is really starting to piss everyone off. You aren't the same person as you used to be and I am not a fan of the new you."

"Well with everything going on, this is how I am now. So you can like it or not like it. It's your call."

"I understand everything that's been going on and it's not fair to you or any of us, but that doesn't give you a reason to change your whole persona. You just aren't the same woman I fell in love with and I was hoping that taking you out today would bring that woman out."

Sitting there, I thought about everything he just said. I whispered under my breath as tears began to roll down my face. "What?" Bret asked, not being able to hear me. "Maybe we need to take a break," I spoke a little louder as I looked over at him.