tears of mercury | beastars

chapter 19. A BROTHER'S SHADOW

𖤣𖥧.𖤣𖥧𓆏𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧
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The air was heavy with the scent of blooming flowers and the warmth of the sun, but (Name) felt no solace in it. Summer was supposed to bring a sense of freedom, a time of life and growth, yet for her, it was a season of memories.

The season her older brother, Lucas, had died.

(Name) sat near the edge of the dormitory rooftop, a spot she frequented to think and escape the bustling noise of the school. Below her, students reveled in the early days of summer, their laughter carried by the gentle breeze.

But her mind was miles away, back to a time when the world felt whole, back to when he was still alive.

Lucas had always been her protector, her guide, her constant. He had an unyielding confidence about him, a way of making everything seem possible.

The memories of their shared summers came flooding back—the way he would wake her up at dawn, dragging her outside to show her the dew-covered flowers or the way he'd tease her when she was too scared to jump into the river by their childhood home.

"You're such a scaredy-cat, (Name)," he'd laugh, his canines gleaming. "The water won't bite you. Just jump!"

And she would. Because if Lucas believed she could do it, then she trusted she could, too.

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The day he died was like any other summer day.

The sun was high in the sky, the air thick with humidity. (Name) had been busy with errands for their mother, who always seemed to expect the world from her children. Lucas had promised to meet her by the river later that afternoon.

But he never came.

Instead, their family was met with the news no one is ever prepared to hear. Lucas had drowned while trying to save a child who had wandered too far into the current.

The weight of his absence hit (Name) like a tidal wave, pulling her under in a way no river ever could.

As the years passed, Lucas death became the unspoken shadow that followed (Name) everywhere. Her mother's once-proud expectations turned into cold, rigid demands. It was as though (Name) had to fill the void left by her brother—becoming the perfect child, the ideal heir to the family legacy.

She resented it.

Not just the pressure, but the way her mother had started to act as though Lucas had never existed, erasing his presence from their lives. Their family home was scrubbed clean of his photographs, his belongings donated or stored away as if he'd never been there.

But (Name) couldn't let go.

She kept a few small trinkets hidden away in her room—a worn leather bracelet Lucas had given her on her birthday, a pressed flower from one of their summer adventures. These were her reminders, her anchors to the brother who had been her entire world.

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Back on the rooftop, (Name) reached into her pocket, pulling out the leather bracelet. She ran her fingers over its frayed edges, her heart heavy with the weight of everything she hadn't said, everything she hadn't done.

"I miss you." she whispered, the words carried away by the wind.

Her memories drifted to the last time she had seen him alive. He had been so full of life, so determined to make a difference. "You've got to find your own path, (Name)," he had told her. "Don't let anyone decide it for you—not Mom or Dad, and even so, not me. Promise me that."

But she hadn't kept that promise, had she?

Instead, she had let herself be swept along by the expectations of others, becoming a shadow of what she once was.

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Later that evening, (Name) sat alone in her dorm room, her gaze fixed on the family photo hung to her wall. It was one of the few things she'd kept from their home—a picture taken during their last summer together. Lucas was front and center, his arm draped protectively over her shoulder, his smile bright and carefree.

"You'd hate who I've become," she murmured, her voice barely audible. "I hate who I've become."

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Instead, she clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as anger and grief swirled within her—for not living up to Lucas' memory, and at her mother for expecting her to be something she wasn't.

Most of all, she was angry at the world for taking Lucas away.

✅ EDITED