Diary of an Asexual

7/25/15

Hey Taylor,
Do you ever get so caught up in who you are that you just get so jumbled in your thoughts and you can't think of anything else? Well that's how I feel all the time. It's like a constant wave of loneliness that hits because even you don't know who you are and its devastating. I want to understand I really do but I just feel like no one understands, you're the only one who listens but I'm afraid you aren't real. If you were though I'm sure you would be my best friend and you wouldn't make me watch porn or ask me anything about my sex life because I would tell you everything. This is going to sound silly but my real friends don't understand me and I feel like you do and it makes me feel warm inside so thank you again, I'm so glad I started writing in you.
(Surprise up ahead (;)
  I close my diary and the feeling of comfort visits me as I lay in my bed. I'm wearing my comfy pajamas and it makes this experience so much better. I stare at all my posters, there's so many with so many people on them but I feel like I need more. Dan and Phil, Joey Graceffa, One Direction, Marina and the Diamonds, Lana del Rey, and a lot more littered my walls. There was barely a bare spot, but that's how I liked it. I don't get why people want such bare walls when there's so much a bare wall can mean. It's like a canvas that an artist would paint on, it's bursting with creative energy yet not many people use it. Maybe I just don't understand or maybe people should think like me.
  I get up from my bed after my intense discussion of walls inside my head and I head straight for the kitchen. Food is all I want right now and I have my eyes on the chocolate cake that's been left after some celebration with my mom's job. It looks so good and I know it tastes good and I can't help but put a piece on a nice, shiny plate and start eating it with my fork. Mm this cake is the only thing I care about besides looking good. I could feel the creamy chocolate icing on my tongue along with the moist soft cake. I might have moaned a little at the taste of it, but hey cake is my aesthetic. As soon as I finish the delectable cake I head straight to bed at 2AM.
This was kind of a filler but it's nice I like it