The Sun and the Moon [Wattys 2015 winner]

Chapter 11: Rules

"Do you want me to go home?" he asked. "I'd rather stay." He was naked still, and so was I, our warm bodies under the covers, the lights all out in the house. He was spooning at my back, his chin on my shoulder and his hands toying with my hair while I looked out at the room.

I stiffened. No overnights. That was a rule.

But I wanted him to stay.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a voice rough from sex.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

He was right. I took a deep breath and let it out. Then I turned to him, searching for his gorgeous eyes in the darkness, then ducked into him, tangling my legs with his, snuggling into his warm, broad chest, and nuzzling his pectoral muscles. I knew the name of those for sure. I started kissing his torso, his nipples, his soft skin covering strong muscles. I rested my chin on his chest and looked up as he settled himself on his back.

"The truth? It scares me to be with you. It breaks all of my rules," I admitted.

"What rules?" he asked, curious.

"I have rules. About what I will or will not do in bed."

I could almost feel his eyebrows raising and his lips twitching. Bastard. He was going to laugh at me.

"Is this set of rules written down?" he asked in a mock serious tone.

"No."

"Can you tell me what they are?"

Yeah, I could do that. Not.

"No."

"Can you text them to me?"

Okay, now he was just messing with me.

"Why don't I just text you the ones you've already broken."

"Nope. I want to know all of them, Amelia."

Fine. I would tell him.

"I just don't do anything other than missionary."

He looked at me, shocked, shaking his head once, quickly, back and forth.

"Um, what?"

"That's my rule. I don't ever spend the night or have others spend the night. I don't go down on men and they don't go down on me. I don't do anything kinky."

This distracted him.

"What's kinky? I'm interested. Very."

"Everything but missionary."

He laughed, a low surfer chuckle. "Okay, Movie Star. Nothing but missionary. I already broke that at Southwinds. Can I test your resolve on these rules? Am I allowed to encourage you to break them?"

Yes, I thought. You already are. I was already trusting you like my therapist said to do. I was starting to feel things, and not just orgasms. I was starting to really recover from depression.

I didn't tell him that. Instead, I said, "Fair enough," and smiled.

He wasn't letting go of the topic, though.

"Why do you have these rules?"

"Because." Because everything else opens you up to trusting someone. Everything else makes you vulnerable. Everything else makes it so you cannot hide from someone. There was too much intimacy and that scared me.

"I'd never do anything you didn't want me to do. And I'd never do anything to hurt you."

Not on purpose, I thought. I didn't say anything in response.