I took a sharp breath in, and hurting my lungs, i hadn't exhaled for over 30 seconds, people looking at me, waiting for my secrets.
"Ok, i-im... i," i studder to get the words out. Johnnie places his hand on mine under the table. I wince at the sudden touch, like he was burning me, but stopped to continue.
"I, I'm Kyle, I'm 16, and... i... i uh," struggling to get out the words, thinking,' i can't do this.'
"You can do this, its ok," Johnnie whispered to me, in the lowest voice he could, smiling as i knew no one else heard.
"Im, here, for trying... to die. And cutting. And violence," i say, my voice low, and my head hung down.
'Not for voices in my head...'
Nice cover, Kyle. Just kidding. Shitty job kid.
"Shut up," i whisper under my breath.
"You ok?" Johnnie whispers to me again, and i nod my head, looking up to people with welcoming faces. Warm eyes. Satisfaction on knowing how to help me.
"Ok, im Alex," the purple haired girl told everyone," im 17, and im battling my anorexia."
I smiled at her, trying to reassure her i was ok with who she was. I was ok with who everyone was, except for me, and i hated myself. She smiled back, and blushed.
I just kept the warmth of Johnnie's hand on mine, not looking at her anymore.
'Does she like me?'
I look over at johnnie, and smile, looking down at our hands. Its obvious he thought nothing of it.
_______________
{Im going to include Johnnies pov in this now:)}
(Johnnie's pov)
'Kyle was nervous, but i helped him...'
I was a bad person, wanting to be away from everyone i would hurt. It was only a matter of time before Kyle got hurt too.
He glances down at my hand on his, and i know i felt my face get hot. Embarrassingly red. I felt it, and i liked it, but hated blushing more.
'I swing to GIRLS. I dont like BOYS! What the hell is wrong with my heart? Am i that desperate and broken to crawl to the gender i use as friends?'
I laugh to myself, but Kyle heard.
"Huh?" He mumbles.
"Nothing," i bluntly say to him.
'The word 'use'. I like it.'
I waited for the longest time to let his hand go, but i didnt want to deep down, then i caught myself caring. I pulled it off gently, leaving Kyle to question what he did wrong.
'Nothing my sweet Kyle,' i think to myself, wanting to caress his cheek so badly,' you did nothing.'
His brown eyes grazed agenst my blue when he looked up at me, and the wall i built around my stitched back up heart broke, leaking with emotion. The stitches began to heal as he looked at me, but my lips refused to smile for him.
'No, just..... no," I wanted to say. I didnt need another heart broken love story...
"What's on your mind?" Kyle asks me.
'You.'
"Eh, nothing really. How i hadn't eaten yet. Thats one."
"Fair enough," Kyle smiled, and looked back down. Probably to his hand i left empty.
'Im so sorry, i just cant Kyle,' i thought as my eyes teared up. Blood gushed from my heart, filling my body with emotion again, and it wasnt lifeless when i looked into my own eyes after therapy.
I bolted to my room, into the bathroom, and to the mirror. As soon as i looked at myself, tears dropped from my eyes. My life filled eyes. I finally smiled.
'At what?'
"Kyle," i say out loud," my lovely Kyle."
