Jackson and Ramona's Dating Troubles

The Loss

Written by: "Just a Complicated Person"

Day 1:

Lee Fuller lay on a couch curled up in a ball with a blanket over her as she had tears in her eyes. From nearby Ramona walked over to Lee and said, "Hey Lee. Would you like any food or water?" Lee turned her head back and forth slowly as she looked at Ramona with tears in her eyes. Ramona with a sad look in her eyes nodded and said, "Okay." Ramona then began to walk away, when Lee suddenly sat up and said, "Grandma, am I a bad person?" Ramona turned to look at Lee and said, "No Lee. Of course you're not." Then Lee said, "But I've made mistakes. I had some anger issues when I was younger. I've looked at more porn than I care to admit. And I had sex before I was married. Do you think all those bad things I did is the reason why I... I..." Lee then began to suddenly break down and cry as Ramona sat next to Lee and hugged her. Ramona then said, "Oh Lee. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault you had a miscarriage. Most of them happen in the first trimester and they happen to a large number of woman. Please don't blame yourself. I know it hurt a ton when the doctor told you the news yesterday. But you gotta take it one day at a time. Just take it one day a time."

Day 2:

Lee sat in her bedroom alone just looking down. Lee then heard a knock on the door and said, "Come in." Lee's mother Tien then stepped in and said, "Hey. Two packages came for you. Just thought you'd wanna know." Lee took the two packages from Tien and began to open them. As Lee looked into the two packages she said, "Hmm. Here's a book I forgot I pre-ordered half a year ago. And this one is addressed from Great Grandma DJ. It's... oh." Then Tien looked in the box and said, "Wow. It's your old baby clothes. I didn't realize Grandma DJ kept them. I guess she mailed them hoping you would give them to... Oh my." Tears began to come out of Lee's eyes as Tien said, "Listen Lee. The mail is slow. She obviously sent this out before..." Lee tried to wipe some tears away as she said, "I know but... Oh God mom, why did this have to happen?" Lee began to break down crying as Tien held her close.

Day 5:

Lee and Jackson walked into a hospital waiting room together as Lee said, "Thanks for bringing me here Grandpa. You don't have too stay you know." Jackson then made a small smile as he said, "Hey. I'll stay for you. Besides, this checkup shouldn't take too long." Lee nodded and said, "Okay." Lee and Jackson then sat in two chairs together as Lee looked nervous. Jackson noticed this and said, "You okay? You've been looking more and more nervous the longer we've been in this building." Lee then said, "Sorry. It's just... the last time I was here I got the worst news I ever heard. Now I'm just half-expecting more bad news to happen here." Jackson then held Lee's hand and said, "I can't promise you nothing else bad is gonna happen to you Lee. But it's not gonna be a bad day every day for the rest of your life. There is still so much good ahead for you." Lee nodded and said, "I know Grandpa. I'm just sad it's not gonna include..." Lee then broke down and began crying again as Jackson moved over and hugged Lee.

Day 12:

Lee was walking through the park as Ramona and Tien walked beside her. As they walked together Tien said, "So how did your talk with Matt go last night?" Lee then looked down as she said, "Well we're still both devastated about what happened. Matt told me he keeps blaming himself every night for what happened. He apologized to me profusely saying how if he never got me pregnant, I wouldn't have had to go through this. But I kept telling Matt how it was also my fault since I was as horny as him. But at least neither of us is blaming the other, and we're gonna keep being there for each other through this." Ramona then said, "So are you two gonna still postpone the wedding?" Lee nodded and said, "Yeah. It just doesn't feel right. I'm honestly not sure when I'll be ready to get married." Tien then said, "Do you not want to get married now?" Lee turned her head, and then said, "Oh, I still do. I love Matt. And when we're both ready next go around, we do still want kids." Ramona then held Lee's hand as she said, "That's good to hear."

Day 20:

Lee was putting several boxes into her bedroom closet when Matt walked in through the open door of her room. Matt then said, "Hey. Watcha doing?" Lee then said, "Oh, just putting away all the baby clothes and diapers my family sent to me before the miscarriage. I figured I'll put them on layaway till the next time I'm pregnant." Matt then said, "Yeah. And we'll definitely wait quite awhile till that happens. But... are you okay just holding onto that stuff?" Lee made a little smile as she said, "Yeah. It's no big." Matt then said, "Lee, you look a little too happy right now considering you just mentioned your miscarriage. Are you okay?" Lee then simply said, "Yeah. I mean... just because I had a miscarriage doesn't mean we still aren't having a baby one day. We'll still have our dream of a happy family one day, right? I mean I can't keep staying too sad about what happened. I mean we didn't even get a chance to see a sonogram. It's not like it was really alive yet. It was just... it was just..." Suddenly tears appeared in Lee's eyes and then she broke down crying as she fell onto the floor. Matt ran to Lee's side and sat on the floor with her as he hugged her. As Matt held Lee close, Lee through her sobs said, "It was our baby Matt. Our baby died and we didn't even get a chance to name them or get to know them. I know we can still have a child one day, but it won't be the one we lost. That baby is gone forever, and I'm never gonna be able to hold them or tell them I love them. And I can't even properly mourn for them. I mean they don't let you have funerals for people that weren't even born. How am I supposed to get through this Matt?" Lee then began to sob more while Matt held Lee close as he said, "I don't know Lee. But we'll figure out a way to get through this. I promise you we will."

Day 30:

Lee and Matt stood together in the park near a freshly new planted bed of flowers. Standing in front of them were Jackson, Ramona, Tien, and Grace. Lee then looked at everyone as she said, "Thanks for being here today everyone. We... we are gathered here today to remember a member of our family that we lost. Even though we never got a chance to know them, we still grieve the lost opportunities and the loss of life that occurred." Lee then got on her knees as she put her hands near the flowers. Lee then closed her eyes as she said, "My baby. Oh my beautiful baby. I'm so sorry that we never got a chance to meet you, hold you, nurture you, tell you we loved you, and help you grow up into a wonderful person. Me and your father may have more children in the future, but I will never forgot you. You will always be my first child, and even though I never saw your face, I will always love you." Lee then got on her knees as she closed her eyes and said, "I hope somehow you can see these beautiful flowers we planted here. And even though flowers have a short life, we still planted them here because any life, no matter how short it is in this world is still precious." Matt then sat next to Tien and hugged her. Then Jackson, Ramona, Tien and Grace all moved in and hugged Lee as well.

TO BE CONTINUED...

*Note from Author: "Just a Complicated Person" - I knew the events of this story was going to happen to Lee for a long time. Somehow in my mind long ago I knew if Lee got pregnant, she would have a miscarriage. But I didn't want to write it. I really, really didn't want to write it. But when I thought about the characters and what would happen to them in the future, this was the only outcome I saw. But why still write it? Because what happened to Lee happens to many women out there. It's a sad reality that hundreds of thousands of woman experience every year. And they must all understand that they are not alone. Every life if precious, and the loss of any life, no matter how short it existed, is still a heartfelt loss. So don't feel wrong about feeling the sadness you feel if something like this happens to you.