Picture Us

Chapter 15: Tam

Tam stared blankly at the shut door. He consciously reminded himself to blink; his brain was too focused on the exchange that had just happened between him and his parents. Actually, exchange was too quiet a word for it. Had the conversation ended on good terms; had it been a friendly discussion, it would have been fine. But his parents – he hated to even think of them as that – had a thinly veiled screaming session and had stomped out of the room like toddlers. Talk about immature.

The visit had reminded him of one thing that he'd forgotten: Linh. How could he forget? What kind of brother forgets his sister?

"Linh?" Tam rasped. "Where is she?"

Keefe blinked. "I think she's in the room next to you. I'm actually not sure."

"Is she okay?" Tam asked. Keefe sighed.

"I have no idea. I'm sorry, Tam. I didn't ask." Keefe said. He put his hands in his pockets. Tam had picked up on his habit a few weeks ago. Keefe didn't even notice he did it most of the time. But Tam did. He was good at noticing things that most wouldn't. Somehow, Keefe put his senses in overdrive.

"And how about you?" Keefe asked. "How are you feeling?"

Keefe stared at Tam with a certain intensity Tam could only dream of reading. Somewhere between concern and fascination. And Keefe was always intense in how he felt - he could feel absolutely nothing, and he'd feel it with everything in him – but now? Now the Tam was sure he hid some sort of secret ability in him.

"I have no idea," Tam said, shakily lifting his fingers to flex them. They were slightly battered, with small cuts and scratches and bruises that hadn't been there before. "I know how I'm supposed to feel. Relieved that I'm alive, upset that it had to turn out this way. It just stops there, though. It's like I have an instruction manual on what to feel, and even though I'm following all these steps I'm not quite there yet."

Keefe blew out a breath. "Forget what that instruction manual says. Just try to put words to your feelings."

Tam nodded. He was sure there were emotions down somewhere. He reached with his minds, digging in his thoughts to find one that he could recognise emotions out of. A lot of his mind was empty darkness; if he had to visualise it. Empty and dark and-

Cold. It was cold enough to make Tam shiver in real life. He reached for the feeling, but every time he tried to grab it with his words, it left him.

"It's no use," Tam shook his head. "I have no idea."

"You know, sometimes, the absence of a feeling has a feeling of its own," Keefe said. "Kind of like a crater in your emotions. You think 'there's something here!' and you reach and there just isn't anymore."

Tam exhaled. "That's what I was feeling. Or not feeling, I guess." Tam paused. Cold and dark and empty and left him without feeling anything. What could that be?

"Hope," Tam said. "I don't feel any hope."

Keefe nodded. "There's a start."

Tam snorted. "You'd make a great therapist."

Keefe laughed. "I wouldn't dare subject anyone to my therapy skills, Tammy. I just happen to be a bit of an empath."

Tam nodded. He could definately sense that quality in Keefe, now that the blond had pointed it out. His heart twisted. Did that mean...

"You're pretty good at picking up emotions?" Tam squeaked. Keefe nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I'm kind of awesome," Keefe said, flipping his hair. He dropped his smile. "You make it hard though. Any time I wonder what you're feeling, all I can think about is how I feel about you."

Tam's heart speed up. It even said so on the machine he was hooked up to. He turned bright red as he asked, "And what would that be?"

Keefe ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not attracted to guys. I can't be."

"Still in the denial stage," Tam smirked. Keefe shook his head.

"I wish," he snorted. "I know I'm bi now. All thanks to you."

"Wait," Tam said, straightening up a little. "Wait, does that mean-"

"I think so," Keefe whispered. He cleared his throat. "Which is super awkward, I know."

"It doesn't have to be awkward." Tam said, trying to tamp down his excitement. The machine that was reading his heart sped up even more. "It's not awkward. I feel the same way."

"No way," Keefe said, and he said it through a smile.

"Dude, I thought you were an empath, or something," Tam rolled his eyes. "It was so obvious."

"You're one to talk. I literally kissed you and still had doubts!"

"You were drunk!"

"Still," Keefe said, doubling over laughing. "You're an idiot."

"Fuck off," Tam said, lying back down on the bed, trying to supress a giggle.

"Okay, okay, calm down, you're going to give yourself a heart attack," Keefe laughed, eyeing the machine. Tam took a few deep breaths. He did the old box breathing techniques, the ones that every meditation video online told him to follow. When he'd noticed his heartrate had slowed down a bit, he looked to Keefe.

"So, does this mean we're..." Tam asked, raising his intonation. Keefe shrugged.

"Let's leave that for after you get better." Keefe said. Tam nodded.

"By the way, could you ask and see if Linh's fine?" Tam said. His heartrate increased. Damn that machine.

"Yeah sure," Keefe said. He popped out of the room. This time, when Tam was staring mindlessly at the door, it wasn't his parents' cruel words on his mind. It was Keefe. And oh, was it a great thing to have on his mind.

A few minutes later, Keefe came rushing in, breathing hard and much paler than earlier. The worry on his face seemed to be etched in his features. He stared at Tam with a tearful expression.

"Is Linh okay? Is she alive?" Tam asked, fearing the worst.

"She's in a coma. They don't know if she'll wake up."