Shattered Soul- ON HOLD

A Panicked Heart With a Rough Start

  I shot up into a sitting position as soon as I woke up. My skin was clammy and cold. To top it off my lungs refused to work. I was coughing trying to get any amount of breath out of my throat. That memory, that stupid damn memory. It always came back, no matter how much I shut it out and built up walls in my head It never failed to make an appearance.

   Calm down, calm down. It's over, it's done. There's nothing you can do about it. 

   I clenched and unclenched my fists until I could feel myself starting to breathe again. I was a little concerned, the panic attacks I was having were getting more frequent. I had no clue what was triggering them anymore. Anytime that memory even crossed my mind I...

  Stop it, now. I told myself.

  Even mourning the loss of my family made my whole body seize up.

  I took a minute to make sure my breathing was stable. I could feel the humidity in the air, it was probably going to rain soon. 

  I hopped down off the drug store I had slept on and took in my surroundings. It was sometime around midnight. I was in a dirty rundown part of a bigger town. I could have broken into a hotel but I was to tired to do the planning and I was busy sealing up my newly acquired wounds. 

  Speaking of which, I winced as I felt the stitches on my side reopen.

  "Dammit." I spat.

  I was hoping that the cut had at least partially healed but I had no such luck. I usually healed unnaturally fast, but nothing was happening this time. I shrugged off the increasing pain and grabbed my bag from underneath the building's dumpster. It was a tan heavy duty messenger bag. I never carried more than I needed, and everything I needed just so happened to fit in this bag. I needed to find a safer place to access the cut on my side.

  It was sometime around midnight, so the streets were dark and empty of everyone except a few stragglers from the old rundown bar around the corner. I might have to stop in their and grab some alcohol, mostly for my wounds, but I could use a beer or two so I could calm my nerves.

  It started to rain just as I spotted a hotel down the street.

  I had to stop because a train was passing, and it looked pretty long from what I could see. My gaze wandered the store I was standing next to. It was a home decor place, and the front window was full of mirrors on display. I took a look at myself. I looked like I had slept in a slaughterhouse full of decaying pigs. My clothes were covered in blood and I smelt like death. My dark brown hair had fallen out of the ponytail I put it into last night and was cascading down to my lower back. I really needed to get it cut, it was becoming a nuisance. 

  My towering 5'9" body always worked against me when I was trying to be unnoticed, especially now. The few men I have seen stumbling around have sent me a whistle from across the street. My baggy clothes I had taken from a very oblivious traveling family helped hide my curves and, well, other things, but I still could attract those who took more than a glance at me. I took one last look in the mirror at my face. If you were to see my me from a distance, I would actually look elfish and delicate. The bad thing was if you got closer you would see my eyes(pic up top, same they as on the cover). They were a cold unforgiving blue that almost looked like they were shattered. It was a clue to who I really was. What I really was.

  Broken.

  I snapped out of my thoughts as the train finished flying by. I took a deep breath and made my way over to the hotel.

   I walked slowly so I wouldn't look suspicious and snuck up to a side entrance. I looked in and saw that the place was empty of any workers. Once the I saw that the coast was clear I popped open the window (thank goodness it was unlocked) and dropped down behind the main desk. I got onto the computer and looked at which rooms were empty for the night and erased the security footage of me breaking in. I grabbed the key to room 513 and jogged up the stairs. My side screamed in pain with every step I took. The elevators were out of order so that option was gone.

  "I should have chosen a room on the ground floor," I muttered to myself.

  Once I got into the room I locked the door and peeled off my shirt. By peeled a literally mean peeled; the cut was bleeding uncontrollably and was sticking to my clothing. I grabbed my first aid kit and retrieved the gauze and needle. The old stitches had to be removed, so I slowly pulled them out, replaced then. I re-wrapped my torso with gauze and medical tape. I had to take it easy for a bit, this was a serious injury and I wouldn't be able to do anything extreme for a week or so.

  I sighed and thought of trying to sleep, but I knew better. I can never sleep after reliving that memory.

  I could hear the rain slamming onto the roof. I shrugged on my old hoodie and climbed out the window. There was only a small ledge for flower pots on the outside, but it would have to do. My side was still burning in pain, but I needed new clothes. I snuck into a few rooms and grabbed some clothes from other guests. 

  I jumped and grabbed the ledge of the window next to my room and looked through the window. There was some loose bricks on the side of the building, so I kicked them out with the tip of my foot. I shoved my foot into the small hole I created and pushed myself up so I could see into the window better. There was a young couple sleeping soundlessly on the bed closest to the door. I opened the window and crawled inside. They had their clothes in suitcases underneath the bed close to the window. I grabbed some of the girl's clothes and shoved it into a drawstring bag I found near the bathroom. I shimmied out the window and shut it behind me. I crawled back to my room and looked at what clothes I grabbed. The rain was coming down harder and harder outside.

  I gazed out the window and thought hard. 

  You shouldn't. I felt myself think.

  "But I'm going to anyway." I sighed.

  I hoisted myself out the window and climbed up one more floor to the roof. The rain was still going strong. I yanked off my hoodie and closed my eyes. I don't know why(and I doubt I will ever know) but something strange happens when I come into contact with water.

   I opened my eyes and gazed at my arms. The scars began to show up. They just seemed to form out of my skin. Cuts that ranged from a few inches to a foot appeared all over my body. I let out a breath. This always happened. I had hundreds of scars all over my body, but they only showed up in the rain after they had healed. 

  I thought of how I had gotten them. Over the span of nine years, I had been tortured for information I never had.

  My blood boiled. The men who come after me, who make my life a living hell, they were my family's killers.

  They weren't your real family. I thought.

  I mentally slapped myself for thinking that. I didn't care if we weren't related, they would always be my family.

  I could see the sun peaking through the storm in the distance. Dawn was coming fast. With one last glimpse at myself, I slid my hoodie back on and climbed down to my room. I had to pack up before room service came in a couple of hours.

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Hiya! Hope you like this chapter! If you see anything that looks a little strange leave a comment and I will take a look and see what I can so to fix it. Also, thank you to kb2019! She helps me figure out what to write and gives me ideas for future chapters. Go check out her Darkiplier fanfic! She would love some votes and feedback! Thanks for reading!-JS