The suicide note

Chapter 1

I was once a very faithful and religious person, and my love for god shall remain both everlasting and unconditional.

I once believed that "everything happens for a reason", as my mother would say but that is no rule.

I believe that anything that can occur in a person's life either hapens for that person to love life or to despise it.
In my case, I hated life. Every single day of my life caused me to suffer and despair.
I would get out of my bed with nothing to look forward to. From constantly moving to the divorce of my parents, from the divorce of my parents to living with my father and his little bitch.

It was a tough life.

I feel relieved to have quit this miserable world.

I felt like I was all alone with no support, no love, no affection.

I have never understood what "love" meant. I did not "feel" loved. I have never "fallen" in love. I have never felt accepted.

But as I started growing up, I started to understand this concept a lot better because of the people around me, but I have never understood it enough to the point that I felt confident and strong enough to live.
I never knew how to live. To me life was evil, people were cruel. It wasn't worth going through the pain.

The world is a mess. Look at all the wars, the starvation, the pauverty. It's too much for me to bear. How do I continue? How do people continue to smile and laugh after all that they're going through and after all the world is going through? How do you continue? Where the hell do you get this strength.

Too many questions to which I have never had the answer nor will I ever be able to answer them.