The Diary of Raven Livingston

Journal 1 - Trapdoor

Entry 1, October 1

They asked me to keep a diary kind of thing to monitor my progress. I don't think this journal will do anything, really. They have me on a therapy called "Trapdoor" which is a program that will basically work with my mechanical arm to make it appear more human. Eventually, it will absorb the metal in my arm to create a nice, strong, fully working, non-rust-able arm. Definitely not going to miss the rust. It's so much work to constantly keep modifying my arm to keep it from breaking. They just have to stab me a few times with some antibodies to break down the metal, and slab some human skin on me that will both match my skin tone and blood type, and bam, a new arm. It sucks to think about the fact I'd have to be stabbed once a day for a few months. Also, the thought having skin that's not mine be taped to me is really just... ew. But if it'll get me my arm back, I'll do anything.

Rusty's in on the program too. They're trying to help him with his severe schizophrenia. I don't really know much about the program he's on, which bothers me. They gave him a stuffed bear, which Rusty promptly named Victor, that Rusty can use to talk through. It's also kind of a nanny cam, so they can observe what he does on a daily basis before they actually start the process. Dr. Darling said it was a harmless procedure that had been tested on many times and always came out with flying colors. It's comforting to hear her say that, especially if it helps Rusty, but it makes me wonder about the success rate of mine.

Am glad they're trying to help my dear Rusty, but it seems weird and suspicious that the first thing they do is talk to me about my physical problems and then to him about his mental problems. But who cares about that, really? I get what I want, Rusty gets what he wants, and Dr. Goode and his assistant Dr. Darling get their money. It's all good. Fortunately for Rusty and me, the hospital requires that we to stay inside the clinic and undergo a series of tests. It's kind of a weird building, but I get my own room that kind of looks like a jail cell so the doctors can observe me while I sleep. Unfortunately, my room is connected to Rusty's jail cell room along with a whole bunch of other kids. Privacy is not available when you're getting a new arm!

Speaking of other kids, there's like, three patients here besides Rusty and me. Where are the other patients? For that matter, there's only two doctors, and a receptionist. Where's the rest of the staff?

Entry 2, October 6

Am filled with this sense of anxiety over the antibodies. They're actually like, miniscule robots, programmed to do exactly what Dr. Goode tells them to do. He made the mistake of telling me that, and now I'm scared they'll destroy my insides. Rusty told me that it's not bad to have things living inside me, but I don't think that Rusty and all four of his internal friends get to say anything. Anyway, I got my first shot today. I don't think Rusty is used to being away from our second home quite yet. I understand how hard it was for him when he left his first home, then again with our home. He doesn't like change at all, and it just keeps happening to him. He seems to be talking to himself more than usual. I don't know if that's good or not. Probably not.

It's weird though, because he wasn't talking to the usual group in his head. He was talking to a new addition, Alessa. I think the tea party decided to add another chair. It kind of worries me, because this is the first time he's actually showed interest in a girl. I know it's weird, since Rusty's my brother, but I feel like more of his mother than I probably should. I'm also kind of confused, since she's the only one of his friends that actually can move things outside of his body. Even weirder? Even though I know that they're not real, and all these people are in his head, whenever Alessa moves something, and he notices it, it's almost like I can see her move it, too. It's crazy.

Even weirder still, is the fact that in the jail cell room by Rusty's, on the I.D. card, it says Alessa. I think it's Rusty's coping mechanism for not knowing who she is, and never having seen her. It's different with the other two. They can at least be heard from their rooms. The first meeting with all the other kids is in two days. Maybe the real Alessa will show up?

Entry 3, October 11 – Progress!

Completely excited! My arm is actually looking human today! Dr. Goode said that the antibodies were doing everything they should be doing, and then stapled the skin to me. Unfortunately, the skin itself is actually a bit lighter than my actual skin. Dr. Darling explained that this was dead skin, and that once it starts to actually get the blood flowing, the skin will become more my shade. Definitely amazing! Starting to really love the idea of this place. My first time under the knife today, to hook up some nerves to nerves and all that glorious, previously painful stuff. Dr. Goode loved the fact that I had actually constructed my own fake arm. I just told him the truth, that I'd never actually done complete research on it, but didn't have enough money, and a poorly made arm is better than no arm.

Almost started to cry when Dr. Darling asked why I'd go through so much effort to have an arm. I told her everything about how I used to be a dancer. About how I saved Rusty from that fire he accidentally started. About how my arm was so burned I had to get it removed. About how I was permanently ugly, and unable to dance again. She seemed sympathetic, but as pretty as Dr. Darling is, she just wouldn't understand that dancing was more than just a job to me.

Then she told me I was pretty, and a brilliant kid. Like my mom used to do when she was still alive. Thing is, it's been so long since anyone else told me that, that I didn't know what to say other than, “I love you, Mom.” Then I had a long talk with Rusty about his adopted mom, and apparently the couple he was staying with wasn't as kind as I'd made them out to be. Why do I always mess things up?Rusty is the most important person to me, and I can't even stop other people from hurting him. Never again! I'm going to find this Alessa and let her know she needs to get back in her cage!

Cages. That's what I just realized these rooms are. Jeez, this place is getting so much more suspicious and creepy!