Incharge

Chapter 38

Cory Matthews

I stood there, my hand hovering just a fraction of an inch from Meghan, wanting to reach out but not sure if I should. The space between us felt impossibly wide now, more than just the physical distance. It was something heavier, like a wall I hadn't seen coming. And no matter how much I tried to close the gap, it seemed like she was pulling further away. This wasn't the Meghan I had kissed on Showcase Day.

I could see the way she was standing, her arms crossed tight across her chest, like she was protecting herself from whatever she felt might happen if she let her guard down. I'd known Meghan for a while now, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was make her feel like she needed to protect herself from me.

"Can we talk? Like away from here. Please?"

I didn't have to think before I nodded and guided her through the crowd of glittering dresses and dapper suits. I minded to keep my hands away and tried my best to push through the throng of people to give us space.

Kit had taken me through the club before. He had been a proper show-off about having somewhere to hang out and host. Because of this, I was able to guide Meghan and I to one of the storage rooms upstairs. Just as I had remembered, there was almost nothing bar a few piled up boxes and a worn sofa pushed up against the wall.

"I'm not trying to push you," I said softly, the frustration in my chest growing into something else. It was concern, confusion, something deeper. "I just don't get it, Meghan. You've been so... different. Like something's changed, and I don't know what I did."

Her eyes flickered, that same distant look creeping into her expression. She shook her head, like she couldn't find the right words. "It's not you, Cory. It's me."

I felt a jolt at that, at the familiar words that always seemed to be said when someone wanted to end things or pull away. It wasn't the first time I'd heard them, but hearing them from her made my stomach churn.

But I wasn't about to let Meghan slip away without a fight. Not like this. Not when I could see the crack in her armor, even if she wasn't willing to admit it.

"Don't say that," I urged, my voice steady but firm. "I know you're not... you're not the type to just shut people out, Megs. You don't have to hide it, whatever it is. I'm here. I'm really here."

Her jaw tightened, her fingers curling into her skin like she was trying to hold herself together. Her eyes finally met mine, and there was something raw, something vulnerable there that made my chest tighten.

"You don't understand," she whispered. "You don't know how hard it is for me to be this person. For you. For anyone."

Her words hit me like ice water, and for a moment, I just stood there, stunned by the depth of her struggle.

"Meghan..." I reached out, finally letting my hand rest gently on her arm. She didn't pull away, but her body was stiff, like she was holding herself back, even from the comfort I was offering. "You don't have to be anyone else but you. I relent to our little game, okay? You win. Just... just let me help you. I like you just as you are. All of you."

She closed her eyes for a beat, like she was trying to block out what I was saying. I could see it now - how much she was fighting with herself, how much she was struggling to even let someone in, to let me all the way in.

"Maybe you do," she said quietly, barely above a whisper, "but I don't know if I can believe that. I'm always worried... that I'm just too much for anyone to handle."

My heart ached, and I couldn't hold back the urge to pull her closer, to take her face in his hands and make her understand. But I stopped myself, sensing that the more I pushed, the more she might pull away.

"You're not too much," I said firmly, my voice thick with emotion. "You never will be. You don't have to be perfect, Megs. You don't even have to have everything figured out. I just want to be here with you, through it all. You're not a burden to me."

She shook her head again, this time more fiercely. "I don't want to drag you into my mess, Cory. I don't want you to see me like this... I don't want to push you away, but I feel like I'm doing it anyway."

I could see the tear welling up in her eye before she quickly blinked it away, and that was it - I couldn't take it anymore. The quiet vulnerability in her face, the way she was trying to hide all the cracks she thought she had, it was breaking me.

"Megs," I whispered, stepping closer, closer than before, but not crossing that line she'd set. I reached out for her hand this time, gently wrapping my fingers around hers, and she didn't pull away. That was something. "You're not pushing me away. You're not too much. You don't have to go through all of this by yourself. I know it feels heavy right now, but I'm here, okay?"

She looked at me then, eyes searching my face, and for a moment, it felt like everything was still. Like she was considering, weighing the truth of what I was saying. I could see the conflict in her, the hesitation. It was like she was trying so hard not to believe that anyone could care for her the way she needed.

"I just want you to see me for who I am," she said, her voice breaking just a little. "Not the girl who's always messing up, or... or the one who's insecure, or the one who's constantly second-guessing herself. I don't want to feel like I'm a project to be fixed. I just want to feel like I'm... enough."

My heart broke a little more with every word. She was so afraid of being too much and it was making her so weary and tired.

"You are enough, Meghan," I said, my voice quiet but firm, the sincerity in every syllable. "You've always been enough. Just as you are. I don't need you to be anything different. I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, through all of it."

She looked at me for a long time, like she was trying to find the truth in my eyes. Then, slowly, she let out a breath, the tension in her shoulders easing just a little.

I squeezed her hand gently and coaxed her gently. "Take all the time you need. I'll be here when you're ready. No pressure, okay? How about we call it a night."

She nodded weakly and allowed me to pull her back out into the hallway. As careful as I was with her, it didn't stop a couple from running straight into us.

The impact caused Meghan to stumble and fall. I reached out to catch her before turning to glare at the couple. My expression faltered when I realised that I was scowling at the hosts of the night.

"Oh Meghan! I'm so sorry!" Emmy made a move towards us to check if she was alright. But as she reached out she hesitated. Emmy saw the tears smudged across Meghan's face and turned to look at me instead. "What the fuck did you do?"

Great. Just great.