A Broken World

Fifty-One

Next Day
Yn

I was sitting in the common area, eating a small bowl of oatmeal. The only thing it could use was sugar. We had gotten a pretty good system going. We had an official watch schedule, and we were slowly cleaning the cell block up, making it look a little nicer.

We would have to go out on a run and see what we can find that would be useful to us. Food, water, clothes, anything for the baby. We always need more baby formula for her. She still doesn't have a name yet, Daryl has named her little asskicker. We used any kind of cloth we could find to use as diapers, making sure to wash them first of course. Maggie and Glenn have gone out again to find a little more for her.

Rick still wasn't doing so great. He spent most of his day and nights in the boiler room. He does make sure to come check on Carl and the baby. Daryl was somewhere in the tombs, that's what we've been calling the rest of the prison. It seems appropriate, they were dark and the dead and living dead occupied it. He’s been looking for Carol, checking every cell and supply closets, anywhere he could.

We haven't really said much to each other since last night. We ended up falling asleep in the tower and when I woke up he was gone. It hurt to wake up and him not be there, but it wasn't a surprise. Beth was the one who told me where he went.

I definitely felt a little more relaxed and not so pent up like I was. A little, but that's only because I'm not used to having Daryl inside of me like that. Having him stretch me. No other guy I've been with has ever been as thick as Daryl. But, it's not a surprise Daryl left before I woke up. His feelings are probably all over the place and he doesn't know how to express them.

“Hey, yn, can you hold her for a minute, please? I've gotta change my shirt.”

I looked up at Beth, who had the baby in her arms. I nodded, “Uh, yeah, sure.” She gently handed her to me and I held her in my arms to make sure her head was supported. I looked down at her and smiled. She was so small and innocent. Completely unaware of what kind of world she had been born into. Her little hand wrapped around my index finger, holding on as tight as she could. I wasn't used to babies. A part of me was freaking out inside.

“Someone open the door!”

Carl came running out to the common room and unlocked the door to the tombs. Daryl walked in, carrying Carol. He walked past everyone and went for the first cell. Hershel went in with him and checked over her.

I stood up carefully and walked into the cell block. Hershel said she was fine, just very dehydrated. She looked around and asked about Lori and just by looking at Rick and Carl she knew. She hugged Rick, who gladden hugged her back. I walked closer to the group and Rick stepped aside, looking down at his daughter in my arms. Carol gasped and walked over to me, placing her hand on the baby's head. “Oh, Rick, I'm so sorry.”

After that Rick went back to the boiler room, well at least we assumed he did. That's usually where he went. Everyone else scattered. I stayed with Carol as she continued to look down at the baby. “What's her name?” She asked. I shook my head. “We haven't gotten her a name yet. Carl can't decide. But Daryl…he calls her little asskicker.”

She huffed out a laugh and shook her head. “Of, course he does.” Hershel came back into the cell and smiled. “Just want to come and make sure you're still doing okay. Need to make sure you drink some water, get yourself hydrated again.” Carol smiled at him and then said she was going to clean herself up before resting.

I walked out of the cell and back into the common area, heading over to where Beth was making a bottle. I looked up to see Daryl leaning against the metal cage that wrapped around the stairs. He was looking at me with an unreadable expression. “I can take her now,” Beth said gently. I smiled at her and carefully handed her the baby so she could feed her. She walked past me to walk back into the cell block.

I walked over to Daryl, who looked away from me as soon as I got closer. “You okay?” I asked. He nodded his head, still not looking at me. My chest started to feel a little tight, anxiety clawing at me. My stomach turned into knots just from him not meeting my eyes or even saying a word to me.

“Look, Daryl, what happened last night…” I saw him tense and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. “If you…um…if you want to act like it didn't happen I'll understand. The things that were said, we can just say were said in the heat of the moment. I won't get mad, I promise. I know this all makes you uncomfortable. I really will understand if you want to say it was all a mistake.” I tried to keep my voice from cracking but failed. I tried to cover it up by clearing my throat.

Daryl didn't say anything, just shuffled his feet back and forth, looking at the ground. I felt a tear slide down my face and wiped it away. “Okay. It'll never be brought up again. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you needed to do something you didn't want to do.” He didn't say anything or move as I turned around and headed for the door to go outside and be alone.

It's not like I wasn't expecting this. I knew how Daryl was. He was in the moment and said things. He probably just said them because he thinks that's what I wanted to hear. Maybe he said them because he wanted to let out some pent up feelings or tension from the last year of being in this fucked up world.

I walked around the building so If someone came out they wouldn't see me. I leaned against the wall, tilting my head back and letting out a quiet shaky sob. It hurts. It hurts like hell. But I knew Daryl and I wasn't going to make him uncomfortable…even if my heart got ripped in two. I slid down to sit on the ground, knees drawn up to my chest. This world wasn't made for love. This world was made to destroy everything you are.