A Broken World

Forty-Nine

The night dragged on and I was getting bored. I hated keeping watch, but it was a chance for me to get out of that cell and to spend time with Daryl, maybe try and make up for old times. Things seemed to be getting better between us, or at least I hoped they were.

“Not much to do during these watches, huh?”

Daryl grunted. His head was back against the wall, eyes closed, and legs straight out in front of him. All those feelings I had for him back then were all coming up at once. I couldn't take my eyes off of his arms…just looking at his hands made me squirm. It's been way too long since I've been touched by a man in that way. There were others in the years Daryl and I didn't talk, but none of them came close to making me feel the way he did that one night we had together.

I had to stand up to keep myself from squirming more than I already was. Or from doing something stupid like straddling him and begging him to fuck me like he did the first and only time. Of course, that voice in the back of my head was reminding me of him saying it was all a mistake. I looked away from him and walked out on the walkway.

The night sky was littered with bright stars shining high above us. It's something I've missed. Being in the city you don't see as much of the starry sky. There are too many lights to see the stars. There were also too many noises going on that you couldn't hear the sound of crickets or cicadas. Just car horns and a couple on the street yelling at each other. My neighbors fought all the time. There was one time I had to go over and break it up and call in a domestic violence report.

But here in the new world…everything is quiet aside from the groans from the dead walking around. You can hear the birds, cicadas, any other animal scurrying around. The sky is clear and blue during the day while the sun shines and stars fill the sky at night. It's almost peaceful. If you put what's going on in the world out of your mind and the fact that dead people are walking among us, you could almost feel at peace; feel safe.

But the world is never simple. You feel safe for a few minutes before you have to run again. That's all we do; we run. We run  not just from the dead but the living too. The living are more dangerous than the walkers. The living have always been more dangerous than anything else. People are evil. And in a world like this even the most innocent and kind person will turn into a savage killer. It's kill or be killed. Survival of the fittest.

“Ya good over there?”

I flinched at the sudden gruffness of Daryl's voice. I was so deep in thought that I forgot he was behind me. I turned around, taking a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Yeah, just thinking. The sky's really pretty with all the stars. I almost forgot what it looked like being in the city. If you concentrate real hard you can almost block the groans from the walkers out.” 

Daryl walked up beside me, pulled a cigarette out, and lit it. “Ain't nothing new for me. Only thing that's different is the dead walking around. Didn't do anything but do whatever Merle wanted to do when he wasn't in jail or hiding out somewhere. Worked at the garage when he wasn't around. He spent most of his time at the bar. I avoided going home as much as I could, and slept out in the woods most nights.”

“I'm sorry.”

“What for? Ain't your fault I had a shit family.”

“No, but I left. Even worse, I left without a word. We only had each other in that piece of shit town. I left you there and went to the city.”

“Ya left cause of me. Merle went to jail and I blamed you. I knew ya didn't arrest him, you were just the first person I thought about and I ran with that.”

“I missed you, D, leaving wasn't easy. I just figured it would be better if I wasn't around. You didn't like that I went into law enforcement. And to be far it was kind of a last minute decision. I mean, I went to school for criminal justice, yeah, but…I don't know, I wanted more action I guess. Prove something to my dad.”

I let out a sigh and looked out into the night. “Being smart wasn't enough. Being inside a building all day wasn't good enough. Helping solve cases and put bad people behind bars just wasn't enough for him. It  . But when I told him I was going into the police academy and wanted to be a detective…that seemed to please him just the tiniest bit. I always wanted his approval. I don't know why, He was always more into his step-kids. I'd be surprised if any of them made it.”

“Better off without ‘em. You were always too good for them. They didn't deserve ya.”

I looked over at Daryl and gave him a small smile. “Do you think we'll ever get back to what we were? Or are you going to argue with me about everything I say and do? You still going to hold a grudge against me for leaving?” 

He put his cigarette out and flicked the butt out into the darkness below. “Never had a grudge against ya. Just hurt when I found out you were gone and never said goodbye. I was more mad at myself than you. I'm the one that pushed ya away.”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him so he had to turn to me. “You didn't push me away…well, maybe at first you did. But that faded pretty quickly. I had to get out of that town. I would have never gotten anywhere. I just wish that it happened like we planned. I still wanted that even after you told me that it was a mistake when we slept together. Even after you being angry about me going into law enforcement and the whole thing with Merle. There were many times where I picked up the phone to call the bar or the garage to talk to you or leave a message. But then I chickened out and told myself you wouldn't have called me back.”

Daryl scoffed and I was sure he was closing in on himself again. He wasn't one for feelings. It was always hard to get him to open up.

“Charlotte never told ya I asked her to have you call me?”

I shook my head, “No, I hardly ever talked to her after I left. I called a few times to let her know where I was and that I was safe, but that's it.”

Daryl casts his eyes to the ground and nods. “Tried getting her to tell me where ya were. I knew ya moved to the city but that was about it. When shit started to get bad. After that happened to dad and Jess, I went back to town. I stopped at the bar before going and getting Merle outra the jail. She was bleeding, a big nasty bite on her shoulder. Begged her to tell me where ya were. She told me to fuck off and then turned.”

“You were going to look for me?”

“Merle didn't like that I wanted to. But I was the one driving. That's why we were near the city to begin with. Everyone was heading there. Got stuck in the jam, so I got out and was going to walk there, but Merle stopped me. We were screaming at each other when the bombs hit. He pulled me back to the truck, forced me into the passenger seat, and he turned around. It was a few weeks until we came along the quarry. Merle had a plan to rob ‘em, but I wouldn't let him.”

He wasn't looking at me. He shifted back and forth on his feet, his thumb up by his mouth, biting on the corner. It was one of his ticks he did when he was nervous or anxious. I reached up and pulled his hand away from his mouth, stepped closer so he had to look at me.

“You never fail to make my head spin, Daryl Dixon. You give me whiplash with your constant change of feelings. But…I can't help but love you. No matter what I do to move on, I can't. No other man has ever been able to make me feel the things you did.” I got closer and gently took his face in my hands. “Please. Please give in and just kiss me. Don't push me away anymore. I need you.” Tears gathered in my waterline and a lump started to form in my throat.

It took him a few long seconds before he was wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up to wrap my legs around his. Our lips connected in such a harsh kiss,  that it was enough to bruise. He had my back against the wall of the tower. His large, calloused hands gripped my thighs. He was like a starved man finally getting a meal after years of not tasting his favorite foods. It was a side of Daryl Dixon only I would ever see.

♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡🧟‍♂️♡

FINALLY! AM I RIGHT?!