When It Hails...(A Raura Fanfic)

22.

22.

3 MONTHS LATER...

I've never been more excited to see winter melt away than I was this particular spring. I'm taking it one day at a time. I've learned that I can't bury the past away; it just makes it worse.

The day I lost Ross is still hard to think about, but I do allow myself to go there from time to time. That's another reason I welcome spring . . . I can lie outside and look at the stars. Every time I do, it feels like he's lying right beside me. If I let my mind go, I can feel him holding my hand, and sometimes I think I feel his fingers brushing through my hair.

I miss him.

The last one hundred and six days I've thought about him one hundred and six times. I've read all his notes at least ten times over, re-reading some of my favorites every day. I don't know if that'll ever get old.

I crawl onto the middle of Jake's old trampoline, stopping in the center to glance up at the clear night sky. It's so much better than the turtle I've been lighting in my room night after night. It reminds me of the campfire Ross and I had last fall. I can almost taste the chocolate and marshmallow stuck on his lips. If I close my eyes, the whole night replays like a film, taking me back to a happier time.

After living a few minutes in sweet memories, I hear a familiar sound in the distance. One I haven't heard in months. The one I've wanted to hear every day since he left for college.

I stay still, waiting to hear the door of his truck squeak. Once it does, it's so tempting to get up and run over and jump into his arms, but it doesn't feel like they're waiting for me anymore. It feels like I've lost that privilege.

Two guys.

Two loves.

Both gone.

I pushed one away and lost the other forever.

Regret fills me. Sadness consumes me.

I bite my lower lip when I hear him slam his door shut and wait silently to hear the sound of his front screen door closing, but it doesn't. Taking a deep, pained breath and closing my eyes, I listen to the sound of shoes rustling in the grass. After many loud, thumping heartbeats, I open them again to see him standing at my feet, watching me silently.

The moonlight reflects on his skin, reminding me just how beautiful he is. Even without the light, I know what's inside of him, and that's the best part. He's the complete package.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?" he asks with the deep husky voice I've missed so much. I used to spend nights replaying how it sounded when he said my name.

"Looking at the stars," I reply, feeling a thickness in my throat. "What are you doing home?"

"I took my last test earlier and I was pretty anxious to get out of the dorms," he says, running his fingers through his brown hair. It's grown out again from the last time I saw him at the funeral. "Can I join you?"

His voice is unsure, but I'm not. I've missed him.

"I thought you'd never ask," I joke, patting the space next to me.

"I'm sorry I haven't called. Things have been crazy," Jake says as he settles in beside me.

"It's okay."

"What have you been up to?" he asks, tucking his hands behind his head.

Sadness floods my chest as I think of all the times I wanted to call Jake, but couldn't gather the courage. I swallow, trying to get a grip on my emotions. I've tried to be better at not holding things in and keeping them to myself, but this was really the only exception.