E X T R A: **ONE SHOT SPECIAL** - hope you guys enjoy this one shot!
"The other night, when I held you in my arms, I looked up at the stars and matched each star with a reason of why I love you. It was going great until I ran out of stars."
"You deserve the world, but since I can't give that to you, I will give you the next best thing, which is my world."
"You make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time."
"If I ever put a tear of mine in the ocean, the day that you find it, will be the day I will stop loving you."
"Have I ever told you how contagious your laugh is? I wish I could spend every minute with you if I had the chance - you would probably laugh a lot; maybe laugh too much that you start farting glitter."
I burst out laughing.
Farting glitter?
Yeah, this was definitely something Ross would say back then.
A day doesn't go past where I don't think about Ross, and I normally end up falling asleep reading the huge amount of notes he left behind for me. The last one will always be my favourite - even if he's not with me, he still makes me laugh, and I can feel his presence right with me.
It's strange to think, really. Ross was the first loss I had ever experienced. It's different when you comfort your friends, for example, when they've lost a loved one, because you don't know what kind of relationship they had and you can't take away their pain.
Granted, I've always been there for when my family had lost some of their friends or relatives, but because I'm not even remotely close to my family, I have no idea what it feels like.
Until Ross that is.
Sometimes, at the café, customers would say 'I feel your pain' or 'I know exactly what you're going through', and maybe they do, but sometimes, when old high school friends say it, I know that they don't even know what I'm going through. Sure, I appreciate their condolences and it isn't their fault they haven't lost a loved one (they should think themselves lucky, really) but sometimes, they have no idea what it's like.
It's difficult to describe the pain, but I'll give it a try.
I feel like how the teacher back in school would say, 'You'll be doing a solo presentation in front of the whole class', and my heart drops to my feet and right up my throat so I think I'm going to puke there and then, because I hate speaking in front of so many people. But losing Ross...I felt my heart drop to my feet, but I never felt it where it used to be when he was beside me.
When he was with me. When he was loving me. When he was making me happy.
Try and feel that...but only ten thousand times worse.
I feel a great big hole in my stomach, and no matter what I do, it won't go away. This great big hole of emptiness is consuming me, probably to the point where I think to myself there's no way I can make it in this world without Ross.
But he wanted me to. He wanted me to do all these things for him, for myself, and I will - to prove to Ross, wherever he may be, that our love was real, and even though it only lasted for some months, I will always cherish it forever. I want to prove to him that he gave me so much more than what he intended to, and he probably didn't even realise it.
![](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/41965094-288-k229774.jpg)
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