Grow As We Go

If I Ain't Got You

[Paige's P.O.V.]

Sitting at my dad's kitchen table, I can't help but key in the tablecloth that is spread out on the table. It's the dumbest thing to focus on, but my focus was just staring at this tablecloth while words spewed out around me. I wouldn't say I was completely zoned out, but I wasn't exactly comprehending what I was hearing for sure. Since Azzi had told me of her desire to have a baby, I felt like all the air was punched out of me. Like everything just sunk in to where I wasn't even factoring in that we were at Drew's game anymore. A part of me is thinking that she's messing with me. Like she's just trying to see how I'll react. How I'll respond to her desire to have a baby and take off time from basketball. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how I feel. I thought at this moment, learning that we'd start building our family together, I would be jumping through the roof and just jumping for joy. But honestly, I'm not sure how I feel, not with all the questions that I have.

"Do you know what colleges you're seriously considering?" Azzi asks Drew as I'm soon torn out of my reverie.

"I got an offer from Penn State and Maryland so far" Drew replied. "But I'm still waiting to see what other offers I get" he said.

"I think he's holding out to play at UCONN like his big sister" Dad teased Drew as I gave a weak smile, still somewhat lost in my own world. "Wouldn't you like that, Paige?" he then asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

".... huh?" I ask as I see nothing but eyes looking back at me. "What are we talking about?" I then ask as I actively try to engage in the conversation.

"We were talking about Drew's college choices. Are you okay?" Dad asks me as I realize that I'm not doing such a good job of paying attention.

"I may have a role in her being a bit of out sorts..." Azzi begins to say just as I look over at her, unsure if she's going to actually say what I think she's going to say. "I told her that I was going to take some time away from basketball for a bit, partially retire if that's what you want to call it" she stated.

"Retire??? Is everything okay?" Dad soon asks.

"Yeah, I've been inquiring about IVF treatment and am looking to go through with it" Azzi said as even with her saying it a second time it still wasn't sinking in fully. I mean, its news to me that this was something that she was even considering let alone confirming as something we were going to do.

"Oh my God, that's amazing. I'm so happy for you guys" Dad smiles happily as he gets up to hug Azzi and then throws his arms around me.

"Congrats Paigey" Drew smiles at me before he daps me up and I semi get into it.

"So, it's a bit much to process but it's something we're going to talk through and just figure out" Azzi says.

"How do you feel about a second child Paige? You think you've got this parenting thing down?" Dad asks as I look at him, completely lost in what I'm supposed to be feeling or what I should feel because again, I'm at a loss.

".... I'm sorry" I say as the only words that could come out my mouth. "I need to go check on Finn" I say before I get up from my seat. Making my way back to the room that Finn was in, I'm almost certain that I can hear Azzi excusing herself as well to follow behind me. For the moment, I play and take in the fact that Finn is still amazed with the new Inside Out movie. He watches it like it's the first time that he's ever seen it, and it makes me smile every time to see how much he loves it.

"Paige, can I talk to you really quick?" Azzi asks as I turn to see that she's standing in the doorway.

"Sure, I just want to play with Finn a bit longer before he has to start getting ready...." I begin to say.