If You Loved Me, Why'd You Leave Me?

Chapter 2

"It's been a while." Luke told me as we walked together along the edge of the beach. My shoes and socks were in my hands so the sand ran between my toes and covered my bare feet uncomfortably. Usually I'd love the beach, love the feeling of the wind in my hair and the taste of the salty sea in the air, but today I was tense and I just didn't want to be there. Luke, with his curly ginger hair and light grey eyes, was not the company I needed at this time in my life, but the thought of him wanting to become close to me again was heart-warming. Perhaps he felt bad about leaving me? Either way, I was glad at least one person was attempting to be friends.

"Ten weeks." I told him, guilty of the fact that I had been counting. Ten weeks ago Luke and I had faced each other, screamed at each other and walked away from each other with tears running down our cheeks. And now here we were, walking along the beach with our shoulders touching. "What made you call me back?"

"I heard about your... condition." Luke smiled shyly. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well..." I bit my tongue. "It's no point trying to get close again, I'll be dead soon."

Luke looked like he had been hit by a bullet, but he still managed a nervous laugh and playfully pushed my shoulder. "Aw, c'mon Howell, you know you missed me."

"Not particulary." I muttered, and it was true. I had plenty of other friends, all of them treated me better than Luke and it was Luke who ended it with us, not me. When it was all over, I had been glad it had ended. "So how's your girlfriend? ...Annie, am I right? Last time I saw her she was making out with Mike Watson."

Luke gritted his teeth. "You know how that ended - you were there." He bent down and picked up a shell, playing with it in his fingers. He was quite pale for summer, whereas I was the colour of cinnamon. It wasn't a good look on someone as strange-looking as me. "Mike got arrested, did you know? He was caught smoking weed. Can you believe that?"

"No," I sighed, "I can't believe that."

"Are you feeling well? You're looking a bit sick." Luke stopped and turned to face me, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. He was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Of course I'm sick; I'm dying, aren't I?" I grumbled, messing around with the sand using my feet. "Listen Luke, it's been great to see you again and all, but I had better be heading home."

"You didn't enjoy it, did you? Dan, I'm not stupid." Luke smiled. "At least I gave it a shot. But answer me this: If you weren't dying, would you consider being friends again?"

"Perhaps." I shrugged. The truth was yes, of course I would. I'd fix all of my past friendships if I didn't care so much about hurting them when I die. And Luke knew this, he just wasn't saying anything. He just nodded. "Hey Luke, it was nice. I enjoyed today, I really did, but I'm afraid this is the end."

Luke nodded sadly, as if he understood. "Yes, of course." He stepped off the beach and I followed him, stamping my feet to rid of the sand. "It's was a privalege to know you, Dan. I guess this ia goodbye?"

"Yeah." I croaked, feeling my heart contract. Luke had been my best friend at one point, and now I'd never see him again. "At least we parted on good terms."

Luke nodded, and I could see his eyes tearing up. He wrapped me in a large hug, before whispering in my ear: "I'd start saying goodbye to everyone now, you know? Just to make it less painful."

I nodded, sniffling. "Goodbye, Luke."

"Bye." And my old best friend walked away, the back of his ginger hair the last thing I'd ever see of him. I pulled my shoes and socks on and began to walk in the opposite direction, wiping away the tear that had begun to escape. No crying Dan, I told myself as I walked, keeping my eyes on the horizon and my trembling hands by my side. I hadn't realised just how many people I had left, and how many people would one day hear that I was dead and start to cry wondering if we ever could have started again. How many people would think it was their fault.

"Leave me alone!" Someone yelled to my right and I looked to where three massive boys were towering over a small skinny boy, his back pressed up against the wall. "I told you, I gave you all the money I have!"

"Well we don't believe you. A wealthy boy like you has gotta have more than a twenty." Boy number one snorted. He looked like he has horrifically drunk, and he probably was. To Drunk's left was probably the most ugliest man I had ever seen with a large nose and bulging eyes. I couldn't see the last one.

Ugly kicked the boy's shin and he cried out. "Give us the rest!"

"I don't have any!" The boy insisted, turning his pockets out. "See?"

Ugly and Drunk both shared a quick look before taking the boy's arms and dragging him backwards towards them. I watched in horror as they threw him to his feet and began kicking him nonstop. I heard the clatter of money as a few coins fell out of a hidden jacket pocket. Ugly lifted his foot over the boy's head, growling that it was what he got for lying, but the third boy was there, dragging the boy up and shoving him to the side.

"If you do that, you'll get arrested." Third hissed, throwing the boy to the wall where he stood quivering. "We had better clear out, anyone could have seen."

"You still have a softspot for the boy." Drunk snapped, turning on his friend as quickly as he beat up the boy. "Are you weak too? Like him?"

"No, I just don't want to get arrested." Third shot back. "Leave him, we've got all his money." The other two boys finally agreed and they ran away, leaving the boy to curl up into a ball and sob. That was when I broke out of my stupor and hurried to him. I knelt down and tapped his shoulder.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?" I asked, feeling awful for just standing there and doing nothing. "Or take you home? Where do you live?"

"I'm fine." The boy insisted. Looking at him now, he looked around my age with beautiful blue eyes and jet black hair that was swept to one side. I felt a jolt of recognision but couldn't put my finger on it. "Thanks anyway." He stood up and limped away from me, and I stood there, unsure of whether to follow him or not.

"Do I know you?" I blurted.

The boy froze. "I can't recall ever seeing you before. You have the wrong person."

"Oh, alright." I swallowed and slowly started to walk backwards. I watched the boy walk away, wondering. He seemed so familiar, it was frustrating. When he was finally gone, I turned and headed back home, the suddenly warm air hitting my face and sending a wave of comfort through me. I didn't know the boy, it was fine.

When I got home there was no one in, so I presumed they were out and went straight up to my room where I continued writing on my laptop until the door opened and mum stepped in, a paper bag in her hand. She came and sat on my bed and ruffled my hair.

"Have fun?"

"Yeah, I did, thanks." I smiled, saving what I had written and clicking on the Internet so she couldn't read it. It was a surprise for her. She wasn't allowed to see it. "Where've you been?"

"Shopping." Mum held up the paper bag. "I bought something for you. It's something small, but I think you'll like it."

I glanced at her before taking the bag and peering inside. It was a new book; a manga. I took it out and scanned the front cover. "Death Note." I grinned, running my thumb over the pages so I flicked through it. "Thanks, mum."

"I'm glad you like it." Mum kissed my forehead and stood up to leave. But she paused, looked at me, and then sighed. "If you need anything, give me a shout."

"I will." I promised. But the truth was, if something happened I wouldn't be able to shout her. I'd just scream and scream and scream, and that would be the last thing to come out of my mouth. Just a scream that radiated terror, because the pain would be nothing compared to the fear that would course through me. "Love you mum."

"Love you." She replied and walked out, leaving me to sit there and question the point in living. I was dying anyway, and I'd rather get it over and done with. I didn't want to feel the pain and fear. I didn't want to look into my parent's panicked, sorrowful eyes. I didn't want to say goodbye.

That would be the hardest part.