The Sense of What Remains

Before The Worst

A few weeks later, I finally said ‘hi’ to Natalie. She checked who it was and she didn’t expect that I was the person who said ‘hi’. She looked at me with her eyes but she never uttered a word. That was brief moment but it felt that all those moments led to this. From the first time I said ‘hi’ to her to this moment. I felt guilty and regretful that I didn’t lose her for what I said but for what I failed to say. From then on, I always hated myself and that I would never forgive me for this.

The school year was now approaching to the end. Before it ends, the school prepares a party for the fifth and sixth grade. It was called “Bequeathal”. Most of my friends had asked girls to dance with them in advance. My friend, Gordon, was a coward like me but he managed to ask Valerie indirectly. He would pay someone to do it for him. Gordon cannot even approach or talk to Valerie directly but he did ask her, sort of and she accepted the dance. That has more or less earned some respect from me. On the other hand, I couldn’t ask Natalie, because since my previous episode with her, I have lost my self esteem. I was still picking up the pieces and recovering from my exit wounds.