Visionaries

five

// FIVE //

The hot water pours down my frowned face and I let it take me over. I let the warmth of it all engulf me and travel my body. I let it course through every part of me and use every crook and fold of my body as its own river.

"May, do you need much longer? We don't have more than half an hour."

Cass' voice booms from outside the bathroom and I yell back from under the shower.

"Give me 10. I'll be done soon."

The lack of any response signals me that she heard and she has no objection.

My shower is where I feel the strongest. It's weird to say this about yourself when you're naked and wet and if any threat were to come your way, you'd obviously be most insecure.

However, I think that for one, it's highly unlikely. Two, if ever I were to get attacked in the shower, confidence is the most lethal weapon and speed is the best strategy. If I'm not afraid of showing my body, I can lunge for a towel or clothes. Whether to cover yourself up or choke the attacker, that's up to the person.

I hold my body weight on my arm that I firmly have placed on the wall in front of me. I face the direction of the shower head, making sure every drop of water passes by my skin before hitting the ground and disappearing in the drain. Because water makes me feel alive and it's when I'm covered by it completely that I feel like me.

I make sure I wash everything first, very thoroughly, and then I stand under the water. I think, I sing, I talk, occasionally only, to answer 'someone' the way I really wanted to, to fake interview myself or to make a fake speech about something.

Every once in a while, it's fine to hope and dream and imagine, I guess. I think everyone does it and maybe, they should do it.

Cass knocks on the door to let me know that my 10 minutes have passed and that any minute now, I should come out. I push away the shower curtain. I stretch out to hit the bathroom wall for her to hear. That lets her know that I need a bit more time.

I don't know how I can trust Darius. He probably has a lot of trouble believing that my family and I aren't who he's told we are, but he really was on that train to kill me and I have to believe that he was momentarily confused and conssumed by his orders. It's not like he caught me in the act of placing a bomb in the university and the only thing that stopped me was a reoccuring dream of the person witnessing my crime, or in his case, where the person was the victim.

I close the water and wait for it to be drained out of the tub. I clean whatever foam is left from the shampoo on the floor and the walls before walking out. I hold myself steady in the fear of slipping. I grab the white towel I left on the counter by the sink and wrap it around me.

I stare at my face in the mirror as I do so. There's something so foreign, so strange and unlike May that unfolds. I can't help, but think everything in Lugano, since I've come, has changed me. The train, Cass, the school, Darius and all the chaos regarding us both. I need to keep myself focused on school and orientation. I have only two days left. I know that I have these two days to figure everything out with Darius, but it's also to figure out my future at this school. I might have picked a major and applied with that in mind, but I need to be more informed. I need to be more than ready because I cannot afford surprises.

I dry my hair, brush it, straighten it and put it in a pony tail. I put a bit of makeup to look decent and like less of a zombie. I dry the excess water on my body before slipping every part of my outfit on. I then hang the wet towel and grab my dirty clothes.

"Is there a laundry room in a hotel?" I ask Cass as I walk out of the bathroom.

"I highly doubt it," she says not taking her eyes off CNN's Anderson Cooper talking with a Harvard professor. She's comfortably laying on the bed with an arm behind her head. "But I think there's a laundromat down the street. If we run out of clothes for the next two days, we'll go there."