Stories of Violyn (CaitVi)

Caitlyn's Bed

Vi couldn't sleep. Again.

She'd spent the last few weeks since the battle in the Kiramman estate. This wasn't completely new for her; just a few months ago she'd spent a similar amount of time there after Jinx's attack on the council... After Caitlyn's mom died. She felt awful back then. But if that was awful, she couldn't even begin to describe how she felt now. It seemed like her entire life was one endless wave of awful feelings, with small moments of sunshine sprinkled in here and there. And sprinkled was a generous word for it.

She turned to her other side.

Caitlyn was sound asleep in front of her. She dozed off earlier with her arm wrapped around Vi, but now she was snoozing on her back. Caitlyn had changed a fair bit in these last few months too. That's what losing a parent is going to do to you, Vi thought with some bitterness. She wasn't the same girl who rescued her when Silco's goons were after them in the Undercity. That girl was a bit headstrong, but also innocent, idealistic, and almost unbelievably naive. But Officer Kiramman was mostly just headstrong. Of course, Vi knew that the same girl was still in there; in fact, in front of Vi, she was still that girl for the most part. And it wasn't like Caitlyn couldn't afford to lose some of that naivety anyway. Still, Vi couldn't help but mourn her innocence, which had to die with her mother. She knew what that felt like. And lying there, late at night in the dark, she had to admit that a little, carefully repressed part of her was afraid that maybe she fell in love with that innocence and idealism.

She turned to her back.

Of course, she knew that wasn't true. Not the entire truth, anyway. The reassuring truth was that day by day, they seemed to have regained more and more of their "former selves." A process Vi was already too familiar with; when slowly but surely, horrible things seem to become more and more bearable. And on one hand, you're glad that the pain is passing, but on the other, it seems outrageous that it passes so simply... Just the other day, Caitlyn caught her humming to herself. She wondered if Caitlyn saw her in a similar way like she did her, a bit of a shadow of her former self. A sad, empty, disheartened Vi that was sitting around all day, spreading only mopey thoughts. Of course that sounded a lot like normal Vi minus the anger, so maybe no.

She turned back to her other side again, facing the wall.

Vi knew that these were only nighttime worries. Come morning, she would forget about most of them; they would retreat to a faraway, needlessly insecure corner of her mind. She learned that in Stillwater, or maybe even before that. In Stillwater she had hope that her sister was alive. That's what kept her going all that time. What did she have now? A fool's hope, at best. She wanted to believe that somehow Jinx survived, but that was almost impossible. She had had to let her sister go so many times already; one would think she would be better at it by now. But the truth was, she could never really let her go. She didn't admit it to herself yet, but deep down the realization already started to form that she would forever keep a little measure of hope that Powder was alive.

She turned to her stomach, growing more and more frustrated with her mind that just couldn't quiet down.

She had to visit Ekko again soon. She'd already spent so much time away from the Undercity. For the first time ever, she was missing the place. In Stillwater she missed the people, her family, but not the place. But now, this was almost like being homesick. It was this big, stupid mansion! ...where they were generous enough to take her in. It wasn't Caitlyn or her dad's fault that the Kirammans of old evidently enjoyed living in castles. She wondered if the old–

Okay, that was it! She got up on her elbows. If she was really about to start dwelling on the Kiramman ancestry instead of sleeping, it was seriously time to shift gears.

Vi got out of bed as carefully as she could manage. There were spare sheets in one of the wardrobes and about a few hundred extra pillows on the couch, and she collected them all, sometimes stopping and listening to check if she was disturbing Caitlyn. She settled her bounty on one of the thicker carpets next to the bed and turned the whole thing into a makeshift pallet. It's not like Cait's bed wasn't good for a lot of things: relaxed lounging, a short nap, making out – it was all fine. Most nights she could even sleep in it just fine, but whenever she couldn't, the bed was definitely the one at fault.

Just when she finished arranging her sheets and pillows and lay down on her side, she heard some shuffling from behind. The next moment Caitlyn was lying right behind her, with her long arm wrapped around her side. Her fingers found Vi's forearm and held onto it.

"Bad dream?" she asked, sounding like she was still more asleep than awake.

"No..." Vi was suddenly embarrassed to admit the truth. "Did you know that your bed's got a ceiling? And curtains? I bet there is a bathroom somewhere in there too."

"It's just a bed."

"I can't sleep in a bed that's got curtains."

"You've slept in it already," Caitlyn sighed. She didn't sound frustrated; more than anything, she just sounded sleepy.

"Either way, I couldn't sleep."

"Oh." The woman shuffled behind her. "We're going to get you your own place soon. You need a real home."

Caitlyn had tried to sell her on this idea already before. She wanted to buy a place for Vi, which could serve as her own home too. Their first apartment together, sort of. Vi wasn't sure about it, although she couldn't really articulate why. Maybe it was too serious and too final for her. Maybe the problem was that she hadn't truly had a home in years... But Caitlyn's observation was right (as per usual), and this night was yet more proof: Vi did need a real home.

"I'm sorry about waking you up. You don't have to sleep on the floor."

"Mm-hmm." Caitlyn snuggled closer to her back, and it sounded like she was ready to go back to sleep in that instant. She finally found a comfortable position, Vi thought to herself and smiled.

She wasn't sure if Caitlyn had even registered what she had just said to her. But she knew that by this point, there was no way she could put her back in her bed. She felt a little guilty about that. But more importantly, her nighttime worries vanished the moment Caitlyn wrapped her arm around her and snuggled closer to her body. The anxious thoughts were exchanged for a warm, fuzzy feeling as she listened to her girlfriend's rhythmic breathing and felt her chest expand and contract against her back. In a few minutes, Vi was asleep.