Loveless/ a POWERLESS fanfiction story

Chapter 43: Blair

Like a Slow Burn
Leading us on and on and on

At night, the hallways of the palace seem endless. I walk slowly, absorbed in the many thoughts swarming in my head like bees.

I think about tonight. About training with Brian. About the way his hands gripped my wrists, the way he looked at me—serious, focused, but without judgment. He always looks at me like that, as if he sees everything I'm trying to hide but chooses not to speak of it.

"I noticed you and the guard were exchanging glances during training."

Sadie's voice echoes in my mind.

Back then, I only rolled my eyes and brushed it off.

I stop in the middle of the corridor and lean against the cold marble wall. The chill seeps through the fabric of my training clothes. My fingers dig into the dense material as my breath becomes uneven.

Before the first ball, Sadie and I had lain on my bed, talking about anything and everything—princes, ships, dresses. About Braxton. About Brian.

We lay side by side, like we used to as children, our heads sinking into the soft pillows. Back then, everything seemed simple. Sadie teased me, saying Brian watched me too closely for a mere bodyguard. And I laughed, telling her it was just her imagination.

"Plague, Blair, do you talk to him about anything?"

And now we do talk. About so many things. About things I can't discuss with anyone else. About fear, duty, anger, my father, and what it's like to make choices where there are none.

I close my eyes and feel something tremble inside me.

Sadie Braxton. She loved him despite the chasm between their worlds. Now I'm starting to understand why.

My hands clench into fists, and my breathing falters.

I wish I could tell Sadie about Brian now. Tell her that, with him, I don't feel like an outsider. That he speaks to me not as the general's daughter, not as a pawn on a chessboard.

Tell her that I like the way he smiles with the corner of his lips. I like that his voice softens when he speaks to me. I like the way he looks at me—as if I'm broken, flawed, vulnerable, but allowed to be so. As if I have the right to be.

I like...

The thought crashes over me with such force that my knees nearly give out, and I slide down the cold wall.

I like Brian.

I'm not sure when it happened. Maybe when he smirked smugly while teaching me hand-to-hand combat. Maybe when he appealed to my common sense during the castle attack. Maybe when he saved me in the forest. Or when he kept me sane on that clearing. Maybe when he stood on the arena, his gaze fixed on me. Or when he held my hand during the hardest moments of my life.

I don't know. But now it doesn't matter.

"Sadie..." I whisper into the darkness, as if she might hear me. "I like Brian."

Tears well up, hot and burning, but I don't let them fall.

I run a hand over my face, take a deep breath, and push myself off the wall.

The path to my chambers feels even longer than before. But for the first time in a long while, I don't feel empty inside.

Fear, pain, regret—they're all still there. But now there's something else. Something warm. Something alive.

Something I can't afford.

But something I can no longer let go of.