SONG INSPIRATION:is there someone else? by the weeknd
WORD COUNT:4.1k
REQUESTED: yes
NOTE:can you tell that me breaking no contact didn't go well?
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you were tired. not the kind of tired you could fix with a good night's sleep or an extra cup of coffee.
no, this was deeper. heavier. it had been weighing on you for months, maybe longer, and no matter how much you told yourself you were done.
that this time would be the last, you always found yourself right back where you started, with jj.
it wasn't the kissing that made you feel this way, not exactly. you liked kissing him. god, you loved kissing him. the way his lips tasted faintly of weed and beer, the way he held you like you were the only thing grounding him.
the way his stupid grin would soften just for you, his cocky bravado melting into something almost vulnerable. for a few fleeting hours, it felt like everything you wanted, everything you'd dreamed of since the first time you realised how deep your feelings for him ran.
but it was never real. not when the alcohol was buzzing in his veins, not when he whispered things he'd never say in the harsh light of day. "you know it's always been you, right?" his voice would crack sometimes, and you'd feel your heart breaking and healing all at once.
or there'd be the quiet, desperate promises. "one day, i'm gonna do right by you. i swear." and for a moment, you'd believe him.
you always believed him.
but then the sun would rise, and jj would be gone. not gone in the literal sense. no, he'd still be around, cracking jokes, causing trouble, being him. but it was like the version of him you got in the middle of the night didn't exist in the daylight.
instead, you'd see him with someone else, his arm slung around some girl, his attention completely absorbed by her like you'd never even crossed his mind.
it wasn't just one time. it wasn't even a few times. it was a pattern, and it was breaking you. because as much as you wanted to hate him for it, you couldn't. you couldn't hate him for being who he was, for not giving you the thing you so desperately wanted but he so clearly wasn't ready to give.
you hated the way you let him in, over and over again. the way you believed the things he said, even when he never followed through on them. you hated the way your heart sped up when he looked at you, even though you knew that look wouldn't last.
