The only one

Chapter 21

I didn't know what to do or say. He just told me that I suck at the only thing I'm actually not bad at.

I wanted to change.

To be able to defend myself from other people when I needed to. I couldn't do that.

Why is it so difficult for me! I asked myself. That's it, I need to break out of my shell and stand up for myself.

My back was facing him, so I decided I would try and defend myself. I turned my chair facing him, deciding to raise my voice and show him I wasn't weak.

The second I looked at him, I couldn't yell, I was speechless. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words dared to come out. I could feel my face getting red, the water in my eyes, threatening to spill. It felt like the world was spinning, yet everyone was looking at me. Robert remained emotionless, he wasn't even looking at me.

He had no idea what he had just done.

I felt hot tears erupting from my eyes. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. But before I could leave, Robert looked up at me. His face showed signs of shock, and maybe even a bit of sympathy, but before either of us could communicate, I stormed into the bathroom, without informing the teacher. But Mrs.Duncan wouldn't put me in too much trouble.

I collapsed on the bathroom floor, but this time, there would be nobody here to rescue me.

I scrunched up into a ball, resting my face on my knees. I tried to calm down but I couldn't. My breathing became rather quick and I couldn't control it. At one point I stopped breathing completely. I panicked at first, then I inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I did it a couple of times until I was back to just crying. I relaxed a bit.

That was an anxiety attack.

I know because I had to study them in a class once. It happens when someone is really anxious. But I can't remember if they are life threatening or not.

I pulled my knees up tighter.

What does he want from me? I didn't do anything to him. I thought. He was frustrating me, couldn't he see that my life was already too much for me?

Sometimes I just want to die.

Just then, Mrs. Duncan slams the door open, clearly unhappy. Then she sees me on the floor and her entire expression changes. Her eyes soften and she walks slowly towards me. I quickly wipe the tears off of my face.

She doesn't says anything, she just sits next to me. I shift my eyes towards her.

"Tell me what happened" she says. She said it without emotion, as if she was a robot. But it didn't bother me. I knew the way she was thinking.

I rub my eyes and clear my throat.

"Someone said I'm bad at guitar" I whisper, my voice cracking in the last word. When I say it, I realize how stupid it sounds, I sound like a five year old crying about another kid.

But Robert had just stabbed my heart.

Playing the guitar and singing, was the only thing that caused me to forget the world for a bit.

Mrs. Duncan stayed silent, I knew that caught her by surprise. She was one of the people that taught me to play guitar. I did it mostly myself but ever once in a while I would stay after school and ask her to assist me with tiny things.

I always thought that I was pretty good, until now.

She sighs, "We both know that you are amazing at guitar, you are really talented and it doesn't matter what anyone says." She says encouragingly.

"But if you want, I put the person who said that away from you" she asked.

I smiled and nodded.

She told me that she would change seats of a few people next class so it wouldn't be obvious.

That's why she is my favorite teacher.

She gave me a few minutes to freshen up. I looked at myself in the mirror. I turned away, disgusted. I fixed my hair... At least tried then returned to class.

I stepped into class, almost tiptoeing in. But no matter how quietly I walked in, everyone was still looking at me.

I bit my lower lip in anticipation. I shifted toward my chair. We still had ten minutes left of class time. I grabbed my guitar by the neck and plucked the strings on the guitar. I played a combination of chords which transformed into a song.

Robert tried to talk to me. But I didn't want to hear it. When he tried to speak I would glare at him and he would look away, visibly hurt.

I didn't feel bad about it though. He had hurt me in ways I cannot even describe. The sleepless nights. Crying myself to sleep.

It was because of him.

After a few minutes he gave up, but it was time to leave anyway.

The bell rang and the class ran in a stampede to the hall. I stayed, wanting to talk to Mrs. Duncan. But once I realized who was standing next to me. I quicker than the crowd.

...

I went home, exhausted from the long day of school. I climbed the stairs and went into my room, face planting on my bed.

I dumped out all of of the folders, binders, and papers on my bed. I decided I should get my homework over with.

My brain was overheating after I completed my math homework. It was the most challenging subject for me. Everything else was easy. I pushed everything else aside. I threw my head back, it landed on my pillow behind me.

I would usually play guitar around this time, but today I chose to avoid it for a bit.

I turned my phone on. Even though no one usually texted me, I always checked anyway.

I tired my phone face up. It turns out, I did get a text, actually two. When I read the names, my heart skipped a beat.

Robert.

Marcus.