With one word.
With a click of your gun.
With a glance.
You've got me right under your thumb, waiting and struggling for a passage that could get me away from what I need.
With all my heart.
With every fiber of my being.
With ever kiss.
You've got me. When you're in trouble, I'm there to hold you. You are my everything and all I can say, really, is that I'd also do everything for you.
And when you say those things, those hurtful words and horrible comments, it hits me like your gun. It breaks through my skin and musclep and crushes my ribs before stopping right over my heart, hovering over my vital organ and waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Airing until it hurts the most to pause and know that you mean every syllable and trying not to let it get to me.
"Please, you fucking fat whore."
"I hate your disgusting guts."
"I dispise you, you gullible bitch."
And then you say beautiful things that fill every crack you've created. Heals the ribs and muscles and stitches my skin so you can't see how hard my heart beats when you're around.
I sit on the floor near the door that you're about to walk through. You said that I should ignore the hateful comments if our pears. Jump over the hurdles that outsiders to our relationship put up. Convince me that we are a beautiful couple and my best friend telling me that we are a horrible couple is just a homophobe.
The door clicks and I spring up, ready to hug you because I haven't seen you all day. It slams open and know I know you're in a bad mood. I fucked up. I shouldn't be standing by the door. I should have been making something for you in the kitchen because when you're angry, you don't want to hug, you want to eat it have angry sex. I don't like angry sex. It hurts. You don't care though.
"Where's my sandwich?" He bellows, his words pierced with broken pieces of anger, throwing them my way and ignoring my hug.
I hurry towards the pantry. "Uh-uh, coming right up." You tell me you saw my dad at the mall where you were with my friends. You tell me he told you that he hates you and that he never wants his disgrace of a son to come back to my home. Swallowing down more bullets, I shakily set down his sandwich and stand behind the counter with my head down.
"I can't help but agree." You chuckle into the bread. As if I was a disgrace. As if you didn't want me to go home. Fills me with warmth and breaks my bones. Two shots fired, one living and one dead.
This is what you do. You drive me insane with the waiting. I can never tell what you're going to do. Attack me with fists or with kisses. You say you love me, but then why do you hit me? You say I'm your everything, but then why do you also shower me with the metal if your insults?
I want you to compliment me and say thank you when I set your sandwich in front of me. I want you to ensure me that you want me here and that my dad is an asshole. I want you to beat up your friends who happen to insult me just as you do. I want you to be my boyfriend, not my prison guard. I didn't call you that first time because I wanted to skip school because of the visible bruises. I didn't kiss you that first time wanting to bleed every time we do what you call 'making love'. You were my first and I wished for you to be my last that first time we went to see a movie, but now all I want is for that sandwich I made for you to be the last one I ever make for your eager, gorgeous face to devour so you can quickly through at me the last insult you'd ever speak aloud about me. I've get them stacked up for years. I want to be your everything, just like you say.
And I hope that I can leave while hoping that you'd stay. I hope that you'd change and break the barrier that you've created every time someone approaches me. I don't have friends anymore. I don't have family anymore. All I have is you and I'm just the can of tomatoes in the back of the pantry that you say you hate but you have.
You have me.
Every bone in my body. Every muscle that moves. Every beat of my heart.
It all belongs to you.
I love you more than the world, my lone petal on a dying flower, I love you more than any man could a woman. I live for you're waking steps and flashy smiles.
And yet I hate you enough to wince at every click of the bedroom door and every time the water starts running when I wake up. I hope that you don't come out of the shower and that you never come home. I wish with every cell in my body that you'd leave me.
I wish you'd put your gun of insults and punches when you get angry away. I can't take you being the way you are and I wish you'd change.
My worst enemy is when you smile or break capillaries for a bruise. My worst enemy is every time you awake or shut your eyes. My worst enemy is in bed and in school.
I live in misery everyday for my worst enemy because I love you more than a punch could say.
I love you and those eight letters are my worst enemy.
"Honey?"
"Huh?"
"I'm leaving you."
You are my worst enemy.
