Letters from a Friend

Goals and Abilities

Goals and Abilities

Hello, my friend,

Happy New Year!

It's been a while since I've sent anything. It's been a bit of time since I have spent time being mindful for once. It's the end of January and I spent quite some time thinking hard about the new year. I hadn't thought of writing much down, besides my goals for the year.

I have already written off one of my goals as something I simply won't be doing this year after a single attempt. It was re-reading a book series I read two years ago, which touched my heart and honestly made me cry. The series being 'How to Train your Dragon' by the way. It's not very much like the movies, and I was very pleasantly surprised when reading to discover the meanings and metaphors throughout the series. I listened to a chapter and decided not to re-read, because I wanted the warmth and special moments of two years ago to be preserved.

But that's not really what I'm writing this letter about. I am writing to you today to discuss goals and setbacks, but in regards to others perspectives. This will be very much a specific example, but I hope that you can take a lot from these words and reflect on your own life.

When I was attending university, and when I was looking for a job, I was congratulated for going out instead of sitting at home all day doing nothing. Those were incredibly unfair comments, but I didn't realise it at the time due to my pride of being congratulated on doing something which I was genuinely interested in doing. I loved university, and I didn't mind looking for a job. But right now, I'm sitting at home doing nothing most of the time due to the same reason why I was being praised for going out. I've learned a few things since then, about my abilities and my general state. But looking back on those comments makes me feel angry, and like I'm not doing enough in my life right now.

So, I took the moment to reflect.

I have made my own goals for this year, and although one is 'do more stuff', I kept it as vague as I possibly could so that I could base it on my own perception. If I spoke to those people who congratulated me for going to university or looking for a job then they would have a vastly different opinion on how much I do.

Yesterday, I made an Instagram post and wrote the first chapter of a story. Today, it took me twenty minutes just to get out of bed. Naturally, I began criticising myself just like those people had criticised those who did the same thing I was doing.

But I would say that I had a successful day yesterday. I've been struggling so much with motivation recently, after a long holiday and being incredibly burnt out. I had made progress. And I was proud of what I did.

It was then that I realised that people would never understand someone's conditions or states of being. Nobody would ever be able to fully understand another person's progress, abilities, feelings, anything. It's impossible.

And so, I've decided to make myself give my head a shake whenever I think about what others have said to me in the past. I know for certain that their thoughts were based on their own experiences and that I should base my thoughts on mine. What I can do, and what I am able to do is solely based on how I feel and my own judgement.

I am not seeing much progress with my goals for the year, but we are only 1/12ths into it and I'm certain that I can continue to strive for these goals and make progress. It doesn't matter if I have achieved them all, because as long as I make progress, I will achieve them eventually.

And so I turn to you, don't let others' thoughts and opinions on what you can and can't do cloud your own judgement of how much progress you have made. Don't feel pressured to do something if it wrecks your body and mind. You know better than anyone what you are able to do. Yes, people will try to encourage you to think about things and to do tasks which might be out of your comfort zone. But there is a line between encouraging and judging. Ultimately, it is entirely your decision. Whether you take the leap and plunge into the waters or if you prefer to use the hand-rail, or if you don't even want to get in the water. It's up to you. Nobody else can judge how long you can hold your breath.

But as you slowly learn how to swim, get comfortable with being in the water, you may find that you're eventually able to jump in. With support and guidance you'll learn and finally make the decision that you're able to.

Or maybe, you're satisfied with watching others leap into the water. Maybe it's funner for you and more comfortable for you to lounge by the side and preserve your energy for what you really want to do. After all, someone's got to throw the ball back in when it's been thrown too high, or keep an eye on the bags.

You're all at the pool, and it's no fun if you're feeling pressured to do something you don't want to, or don't know if you're capable of.

I don't want to disencourage trying, because trying is important. But you will always make sure that you have the tools you need before beginning a big project. Just as you would look and see how deep the water is before you jump.

In my opinion, getting any kind of water on you would be considered trying, even if it's just dipping a foot in.

You know you best, and your word should be final when it comes to your decisions, abilities, and how you spend your time at the pool.

With love light and happiness,

Nadine