I could have given everything,
Don't wanna let the tears begin,
We're back to playing,
The crying game.
- The Crying Game Nicki Manaj ft Jesse Ware
"So you're you're telling me I'm lying" I shouted sat him.
"Onika it was just a kiss. One harmless kiss" he strode toward me but I backed away.
"Fuck off" I said blinking away the tears knowing how many eyes were on us in the caffe.
"Onika let's go home. You're making a scene. We can talk about it and probably have make up sex" he said smirking. Long ago I would have smiled. Give a witty comeback. Laugh. But I'm tired now. Tired to his shït. I can't keep pretending.
I wiped my left eye with the back of my hand. I won't let the tears begin.
I looked at the girl who was sitting calmly at the table looking clearly unaffected by our arguement.
"You know what. I'm tired of pretending Michael. We're done" I slid the ring off my finger and threw it on the ground.
"Onika what the fuck is wrong with you" Michael said walking behind me as I walked out the cafe.
"Onika stop and listen to me" he grabbed my bicep as I was outside the caffe.
"Don't you have no hearing. I said I'm fucking done with you. I don't want to have nothing to do with you any more" I said breathing heavily.
"We're done when I say we're done. You don't turn your back on me just like that " he said his voice filled with anger.
The street was quiet. Not many cars were racing about on the street of Los Angeles. Not one pedestrian was in sight.
I kept my head down until he said those words and anger that I've never felt before boiled inside me.
"Your a fucking asshole. A cocksucker. Psychopath" I said tugging my arm from his grip until he let me go. But his eyes were filled with anger.
"You think I'm going to stay with you because you said so. You think that's what I've been doing all this time. Following your rules. I gave you chances after chances. I though you would have changed" my voice cracked and I took a deep breath.
"From when I caught you in bed with that American top model slut to see you fingering a thot at the casino. Now I'm just tired of crying. Tired of this life. Tired of you Michael. I thought I love you. But its all fictitious. I've had enough" I shouted.
"Enough of what?" He said raising a questionable eyebrow at me.
I shook my head and walked to my range rover.
"Nicki wait" he shouted behind me and I heard his heavy footsteps behind me.
I stopped in front of my car door and huffed," What!"
He came and stood in front of me. Our faces in inches from each other his breathe on my nose.
"Nicki I'm sorry. I-"
"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. If I had to save a dollar for every time you told me that. I would have been the richest woman in the world" I shouted flailing my arms in the air.
Anger flashed in his eyes again and he looked like he wanted to hiy something.
I smelt his after shave. Long ago it would have drove me crazy. The way his face was so close to mine would have sent goosebumps all over my body and had me wét. My breath would have been hitched in my throat or my breathing would have increased. I would have wanted him to take me right here and now when he touch me. Now I felt nothing. Any trace of love I had for him had vanished and was only replaced by hatred. For what he has done to me. Tears started to form in my eyes. When reality hit me. The only man I've ever loved cheats on me, fucks and fingers other woman and I forgive him. Only in the end too end up finding out I didn't love him.
We stared at each other for a long time and his hands rubbed my arm. I flinched at his touch that made me want to vomit.
He bent down and whispered in my ear, "Nicki I know you still want me to fück that tight pussy of yours".
I gasped and pushed him away from me. I pointed at him with my index finger,"I don't want to see you around me or near me. I'm fucking done with your cheating conceited ass".
I got in my car and slammed the door quickly. He knocked on my window loudly as I started the car and backed away from my parking spot.
"Nickiiii" I heard him shout as I drove away.
I looked at my review mirror and saw him pacing the spot I just backed away from, hands in his suite pocket looking in my direction. I quickly looked away looking in front of me.
I image of him kissing another girl came into my mind and tears started to stream from my eyes.
I wiped them away. Stay strong Onika. I looked ahead. I wasn't looking at nothing as words and images came to my mind. The first time I caught him cheating on me with a red head. In our bed. When I came from work.
The tears were uncontrollable now. The moans rung in my ears and I screamed like I was in pain.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuuuccck!" I said hitting the steering wheel.
"Why is this happening! I'm suppose to live a good life! Why God why?!" I said breathing hard my eyes blinded by tears that I could barely see the street.
The image of him kissing me. The feeling of him thrusting inside me. The sound of me staying his name.
"Micheal. M-michael" the sound played repeatedly in my ear.
"Shït. Fück. Goddamnit" I said hitting the steering wheel continuously.
Horns blared in my ears but I was in my own little world. Shouting out profanities as images run through my head and I how stupid I was to keep forgiving him and running back into his arms.
Horns continued blaring. And I was blinded with tears and could only see rays of light. What am I suppose to live for. I didn't really care if I got in an accident. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and forget about him and the world and love.
I heard a tired screesh before I could press the break my car hit something hard and from the sound of it was another car. My head hit the steering wheel and my world turned black.
____________
Hey guys I'm back. One question: Did you guys miss me?
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