Collaterals

Bonus Chapter: Not Today

Author's note: this is a bonus chapter that takes place right after Leila's cuffs are removed. You may skip it without consequence. I wouldn't. 

"I only hope you are not...cross, is all," Leila looked from beneath concerned brows at her younger sister.

Zarqa glanced up from Leila's forearms. She'd whisked Leila away from her room, away from the hushed discussion between her brother and Captain, and into the wet room. Now they each sat on cushioned seats, Leila's forearm on a towel atop Zarqa's lap as her sister took a wet cloth and soap to the new skin. Her lips were pursed inward, "Does it hurt?"

Leila shrugged. "It...tingles. Like young skin where a scrape once was."

At that, Zarqa broke out into a smile, her hair cascading down her shoulder as she turned away, placing the cloth into the bucket of warm water, "Do you remember that? How we'd all climb those trees and pretend we were pirates? You scraped your knee weekly, I remember."

"Ali and Haitham would fight about who would steer that makeshift wheel," Leila laughed.

Zarqa leaned closer, a humorous glint in her eyes, "Mother would be so cross!"

At the mention of their mother, Leila's stomach turned. Her shoulder's tensed as she looked away, "Yes, well..."

And silence settled between them once more, nothing but the sound of water as Zarqa squeezed the cloth. Her hand was gentle on Leila's skin, careful. Leila licked her lips, watching her sister work. She tried hard to find something to say, eyes squinting in memory. "Khaled...used to try and ply our brothers off one another, I think?"

At that Zarqa gleamed, pulling Leila closer so that the Princess could not help but yelp. Excitement had made it so the black of Zarqa's eyes had overtaken the blue, "And in that department, you must speak!"

Leila made a face, "And what, pray tell, is that department—"

Zarqa's nose scrunched up as she leaned closer, teasing, "Oh don't be like that! I know you saved him the first dance. The first and only dance."

"Oh, it was only by coincidence," Leila rolled her eyes. "Are you one to fall pray to idle chatter, Zarqa?"

"I would not have to if my dear sister would only speak to me," she said, straightening. Only Leila could swear, despite the humour in her tone, that there was a glint of sadness in her eyes. Zarqa looked back down at Leila's arms, "Instead you suddenly reveal that I...wander alone into hallways and...throw fire to hurt you—" She stopped speaking, her voice breaking.

Leila grabbed her shoulders, now, and the girl looked up at her, "I would not...." Leila paused, searching Zarqa's eyes for assurance, trust. The more she peered into her sister's eyes, the more she felt she saw within her...almost a willingness, a wanting to believe, to trust. But also a sort of doubt that came only when one spoke to a stranger. Leila knew not why it hurt her. They were, or at least, for the last bit of their lives, they had been strangers. How she wished she could change that. How she wished she could have been present for the fights, the make ups, the birthdays, the nights spent counting stars and tasting the dates that fell from palm trees. How she wished she had more than the memories of a few summers, a few stolen moments of happiness, of family, of belonging in a life she knew well she did not own.

But she did not have that. She never would. All she had was now, and, try and as she might, Leila could not fit years of connection, bonding, love into this moment. Leila gulped, "I know there is little of me you've gotten to observe, and for that I...I wish..." 

Zarqa's brows rose convexely, eyes glinting with hope.

How to say what she wished, how to articulate thought clearly without choking on her words. Leila could not help but think of Ali, of how he'd opened up to her just past dawn that one day. Oh, how she wished she were like him, now. Oh, how she wished she was as well-spoken, as organized. She forced the words out, and out they came: a disgruntled blob so disheveled she was mortified at how it sounded, and even more so at how she could not stop.