I have always thought feelings could be stopped,
it can—but just for a while.
When I look at the crystal clear window,
I think of you—
I think of your enigmatic eyes.
How could I reach this point
where I always shed tears because of you?
You do not know how much you tortured me,
I guess you wouldn't eternally know.
You do not have to know,
you will just laugh at me.
My hands are very cold,
especially the palm you used to hold.
I am reading the great novel,
I put the open book in my face
to cover up my tears
and when I look out the window—
I see your shadow.
Why do I feel,
you do not want me anymore?
Why do I feel,
you do not want here anymore?
I reckon,
you just talk to me
when you can no longer talk to anyone.
I dare say,
you just talk to me
when you have no other choice but to.
You are a different person now,
it sucks you have to change,
and by the way—
I love you.
From now on
I will distance myself from you
to stop this feeling I feel for you,
but then I dawned I do not want to.
I do not want to pretend I do not care anymore,
I do not want to pretend I do not like to talk to you anymore.
From time to time,
I yearn to not really care at all.
The truth is I am just doing all these make believe
to close this feeling that my heart has for you—
I still long to.
I want to play act I do not care,
I want to play act I do not like to talk to you—
to end this feeling—
will it ever end if I continue?
I can hear your soft voice . . .
I do not want to hear your voice
so I wear these earphones,
blast loud,
sharp music on my poor ears.
I do not want to hear you . . .
all you speak of is
I am nothing.
Oh,
how much I bled out 'cause of you.
