The Enemy

Chapter Eighteen

~Samora~

Ana rubs my back as we walk over to the sofa. Matteo just left and I'm still kind of in shock. I can't believe he just choked me. Was that real? Did he really just try to call me a prostitute? We had an amazing day today and for it to just end the way it did was totally uncalled for. I admit I did not have to over react about the money but he did not have to insinuate that I'm some glorified prostitute. Is that really how he feels about me? I'm so confused but I'm mainly just hurt and I feel so stupid. "What happened Mo-Mo?" I haven't heard Ana call me that in years I can't help but to smile. "Nothing really he tried to call me a prostitute so I told him to leave. It was a really shitty and immature fight." I don't like lying to her. I've actually never lied to her before but I can't bring myself to tell her that he choked me. I'm not even sure I want to admit it to myself. "Yes heavy on immature. Girl why did you turn down that money? I know we don't need it but come on now I get to have my own card? I like him." She starts to ramble off a little and I will myself to zone her out. I don't really want to hear how much she likes him right now. When I'm the one who loves him. This just feels really shitty. I'm not used to feeling this way, it's not a good feeling. After the day we've had and everything that I've learned about him I couldn't help but to allow my feelings for him to flourish. I knew I was starting to feel a deeper connection to him and I've finally allowed myself to admit that I may actually love him. He's so attentive and gentle and warm. I couldn't help it and I'm finally in a place where I can allow myself to let my guard down. But the minute I did that this bullshit happens. I just don't know how i feel about this. I'm too much of a bad ass to just sit and fiddle with my thumbs. I don't want to take money out his pockets when I have millions of my own sitting in my own bank account. I'm good with sitting around doing absolutely nothing. With the bartending I had something to do, admittedly I was horrible at the job but I wasn't bored and stuck in my own thoughts. Since I'm no longer taking contracts at the moment I'll literally have nothing to do.

"Are you even listening to me Samora?" Ana snaps me of out my thoughts. Literally bringing me back to reality. "Im sorry сестра (Sister). I just have alot on my mind." Bringing my feet to my chest I hug my legs tightly. "I understand where you're coming from but I also understand where Matteo is coming from. What real man wants his girlfriend to work when he has the means to take care of her. You wanted a normal life and this is your chance to have just that. It's normal for a man to take care of home while the woman provides peace of mind for him. Not to mention babies but you guys don't have to worry about all of that right now." I side eye and smile. I'm not sure when she got so knowledgeable but I can appreciate the added perspective. "I understand now but Ana I'm not used to this. What if this doesn't work out?" I run a hand through my hair and gently massage my scalp to ease the on coming headache. I don't mean to be pessimistic but it's a valid question. I don't want to get used to being spoiled and something happens and I didn't even see it coming. I'm going to hate myself if I get blindsided because I was too busy being in love. "Mo-Mo Jamil is dead please stop doing this to yourself. You've never had a chance to live your life and now that the opportunity has literally been dropped in your lap you're going to sit here and throw it away?" She stands up abruptly and shakes her head at me before flagging a hand at me and stomping off to her room. A few seconds later her bedroom door slams shut. Exasperated I lay my head back and stare at the ceiling.

She's right. I've had everything ripped away from me since the day I turned ten. I've never had the chance to fall in love or have normal conversations that didn't involve instructions on how to properly seduce and terminate a target. Up until two years ago I've never had an once of true freedom. Up until a year ago I literally hated every second of my existence. Hell up until four months ago I was pretty sure I would die a virgin in a very gruesome and painful way. I finally have the chance to live the way I choose to live and I don't have to hide while doing it. And I may have just pissed it all away all because I'm scared of going soft. But maybe that's really what I need to do. Maybe I need to get soft in order to live and love the way any normal twenty-seven year old does. Or maybe I can go back to taking contracts every once in a while just so that I don't entirely lose my edge. Standing up I turn off the living room and the kitchen lights before walking to my room. I close my door and turn on the light after taking my hair out of the messy bun I lazily put in earlier after me and Matteo took a shower. I walk over to my bed and face plant it. It's been a long day in between finally finishing the redecorating and the fight with Matteo, I just need to sleep for a week. With that thought I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.