In His Light (Andy Biersack)

Chapter Eleven(Wake Up)

Chapter Eleven

    Okay, so this is eleven and I must say I really like this one!:) Haha, okay well please vote and or comment! I love you guys:))

(Wake Up)

Andy

   I lay on my back, rubbing my face in frustration. She hadnt stopped crying ever since she begged me to stop. I bit my lower lip and reminded myself that shouting "Shut the fuck up!" wasnt the best solution to our problem. I glanced over at her rocking figure, cradling itself in her own hands. Her face was burried in the surface of her thighs and her sobbing had gradually quieted with time.

   I realized that she was a vigrin and that yeah...shit, at first I guess it was painful. But, hell, I told her it got better and to just relax. I told her it'd be alright and I told her I...fucking-I told her I fucking loved her. I never told anyone that before, probably because I never loved anyone the way I loved Murey.

  I threw off my black covers and slipped into a pair of my tight black jeans, feeling every rip and tear itch against my still sweaty skin. Her face never rose from the hide away of her own body and I decided then, that I just needed to get some air. I grabbed my leather jacket and a packet of cigerettes and marched out the bedroom, slamming the door behind me.

   Seconds ago we were fine. Seconds ago she was saying my name in a way I'd never heard before. I felt the cool night air glide against my bare chest, spurring goosebumps with their trail. I bit down onto my fresh cigerette and danced the lighter's flames against it's end, until smoke filled my lungs. I let out a puff and fell back onto the side of my house pannelled with a panzy design of white shutters.

   My first house and still I hadnt replaced this shitty outside look. The firmiliar taste of blood filled my mouth and I realized that I was still biting onto my lower lip with a pretty nice force. I dabbed the cut with my index finger and flicked my cigerette back into my small yard of grass. The remembrance of slicing my wrists filled my head with the new wound inside my mouth.

   I shook my head and reminded myself that I was stronger than before and that cutting never did a thing anyways, as if I could even feel the actual normal pain that came from an injury. My bare feet followed the path of my dark finished wood floors into my bedroom. I winced with the sight of her, still crumpled over in pain-either emotional or pyshical...wasnt sure.

   I slowly picked up the small orange blanket that decorated my bed and kicked her clothes into a pile next to my bathroom door. My fingers swept off the little pieces of crumbs from my square side table, as I heard her breathing grow silent.

"Murey...you can talk to me." I eased.

   The words escaped my mouth awkwardly, most likely because I've never managed the whole "sympathetic" factor of a conversation before. She lifted her swollen eyes to my body that was now hovering by her side. I tried to hide my smirk at the way she had to climb her gaze all the way up to my face to reach my voice.

   She shook her head like a small child would and clutched my blanket in her hand near her chin. I bent down onto my knees and tried to move a piece of hair that had fallen in her face, but she quickly bolted away. Anger bubbled inside of me and I forced my eyes to shut, just so I could swallow any action that would drive her away,

   The sound of heavy metal hummed through my speakers in the living room, I mustve forgot to turn them off. Murey now stood on the oppostie side of the bed, her body covered in the shield of black fabric. Her face was pale and I knew something was clearly killing her. I just didnt know what the hell it was.

"Murey-"

"No. Stop it. Dont try and be sweet. You're not-" Her knees trembled beneath her and she quickly sat on the bed in pain.

   I let out a frustrated sigh and fell onto the bed on my back. She didnt say another word and I was afraid my ability to hold in my rage was failing.

"What the fuck is it?" I asked bitterly.

"I-cant. I shouldnt have...it hurts and I'm-"

"Woah. The hell?! Are you saying you fucking regret sleeping with me?"

   Her expression shook with my yelling and she nodded her head slightly, too afraid to show a true opinion. I starred down at my wrists and shook my head. I was so ready to just kill something. I needed to just leave. I needed to clear my head, because if I didnt....I know I might hit Murey and I didnt want to do that. I got up from the bed and padded into my bathroom of sanitized black tile and gray walls.

   I ripped open my mirrored medicine cabinet and downed my pills, quickly running the shower, so it'd get somewhat warm. When I returned into the room she was once again trying to console her troubled self like I'd imaginied. I picked her up, as she fought against my hold and carried her into the large clear shower of mine. I yanked the set of covers from her body, willing myself not to gawk at her nakedness.

   She shivered in front of me and kept her dark brown eyes away from mine. I turned her around and carried her into the small space of the shower, laying her down against my body still dressed in my jeans. She pulled away mutliple times from my grip and sat with her back facing me and her arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm actually trying to help." I snapped.

   She nodded her head with an unusual motion of cooperating. I felt her wet hair stick onto my chest and she slowly began to unravel the reasoning for this entire night.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I'm sorry I made you feel like..."

"You didnt."

"I cried for you to stop, Andy. I just, you didnt rape-"

"Stop. I know I didnt. Fucking, just tell me why you were crying."

"I...it hurt." She choked. "And...and I had to ask you about everything because I was so lost in what to do...and it's just-"

   She was crying now, covering her face with the palms of her hands. I tightened my grip around her and pulled her onto my lap, resting my chin on the top of her head. I didnt care that I had to walk her through it. I didnt care if she thought I sucked or if for some reason we weren't good in that way-because I love her...and that's all I could really focus on throughout sex.

"Shhh...hey. It's okay. Murey, you're fine." I hushed.

"And...I'm sorry. I'm pathetic." She continued.

"You're anything, but that." I laughed lightly.

Murey

   I crashed onto my bed the moment he'd brought me home, trying to figure out if I regretted what we'd done or if I was just going to realize it was another fact of life and that I was human. His scent wrapped around me like a blanket of warmth and home. I felt so much closer to him...so much more in love, if that was even possible. I hated that I hadnt told him that I loved him back.

   I slipped off of my bed and put on some fresh clothes for my monthly tea gathering with the girls belonging to the hundreds of women my mother had befriended. I decided on a short dress with a sweetheart neck and a pastel floral print. I straightened out my hair and matched my dress with a huge cream bow, sticking it on the side of my head.

   I winced with the slight pain that tinged whenever I moved too quickly and sat disdainfully in the chair of my desk. My french tipped fingers rolled around the pencil on the surface of my desk, as I tried to block this awful thought out of my head. Last night spun restlessly back into my vision and I cringed with the oncoming fact. I shouldve told him. I shouldve told him the main reason why tears had formed endlessly in my eyes. Because I knew the horrible thing that he hadnt. I knew that it broke and I knew that I never needed to take brith control, because I never had planned on sleeping with someone out of marriage.

   And right now, I was contemplating on the possibilities of my life from here on. I was weighing out the scenarios that would take place if I really was pregnant. I didnt know what to do and I didnt know who to tell. I was lost.