bits of my mind

nicotine (oc fic)

i haven't written in a very long time idk whether i like this or not lol

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Lena leaned back on the brick wall of the compound, shoulder to shoulder with her brother Nikolai. She sighed. The winter was unforgiving, cold air bitter and biting through her many layers.

Her brother seemed unbothered. Nikolai always seemed unbothered. She tapped her foot, correcting herself. Almost always seemed unbothered. There were times she'd seen him completely frightened out of his mind... It was terrifying to her, too. She'd rather not think about it. It was better, in fact, to think of the times he was pissed off, in her opinion.

"Fuck, it's cold," she muttered finally, breaking the silence between them. Nikolai raised his eyebrow, kicking an empty crate over and nudging it closer towards them with his foot, before sitting down on it with a heavy sigh. Like every bone in his body hurts. They probably did, Lena thought to herself. "Why did you come out here, then?"

Her answer to his rumbled question was quick, sure. "Because you came out here. I was following you."

"You didn't have to," he replied simply, adjusting his scarf and opening his jacket, reaching in for his pack of cigarettes. He wedged one between his lips and returned the cigarettes into his garment, now fishing for his lighter in the back pocket of his pants. Lena watched on as his clothes seemed to swallow his belongings. "I didn't ask you to follow me out. You should've just stayed inside the building. It's got heating."

She briefly considered kicking over the crate he'd been seated on (although she later realised this would not be possible, this man weighed too much) for his smartassery. "Can't I just hang around you nowadays? I thought you liked it when I hung out with you."

"When you were like, twelve, maybe. Don't you have friends?" Nikolai asked, cupping his cigarette from the harsh winds to light it. Usually, she'd scrunch her face and turn her nose up at the sharp smell of the smoke — it'd be her cue to leave by this time — but she found herself craving the stench of tobacco this time. It wasn't good for her, she knew that, but she'd been so on edge lately... the buzz of nicotine was sure to calm her down.

She kicked up some snow. "I've got more than you, for sure." She didn't think too much of her answer. It was a bad habit of hers, sure, but Nikolai never seemed to mind her sharp tongue. He just laughed at her response, taking a long drag. The smoke flowed out of his mouth as he spoke, cigarette now between the index and middle fingers of his right hand. "Right. You've got some mouth on you, haven't you? My point still stands, though. You should be hanging out with them, instead of me. You're probably going to give everyone the wrong impression."

"What wrong impression?" She poked, now genuinely curious. Nikolai stared at her for a while. "I don't know. That I'm going easier on you, or something. I have to make the rest of them feel equal to you, you know? They'll riot. You don't get off easy just 'cause you're my baby sister."

Lena hummed, considering his words. "I've never thought about it that way."

"You rarely tend to think," he shot back, the corner of his lips curling into a small, smug smile. He inhaled again, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette. "Oy, I think enough for the both of us, thank you," she scowls, shoving him. He tilted, just a little, before steadying himself.

"So, should I just fuck off now, or what?" she asked. "I mean, if you want, I can just leave. I'll go bother someone else. Felix, if he's not sucking the face off of Ivon."

He noted the bitter note of her statement. "What's with that tone, Lenochka? Why, jealous you don't have someone's face to 'suck off'? Maybe you should get a boyfriend. Solve that problem for you, then you won't be so grumpy all the time."