I'm tired of being sorry for my own actions. Of wanting things but not fight for them. I'm tired of excuses of all type just to excuse myself. I'm tired of being confused. Of not being able to find a way to understand my own damn feelings and my own heart.
I'm tired of being here crying myself to sleep every day. Of being the victim of my own self violence. I'm tired of killing my soul with sad thoughts and hopeless feelings. I'm tired of thinking there's no way out, of thinking I'm too weak. Tired of not doing the things I know will make me happy because I'm too coward to do anything I'm dying to do.
I'm tired of not being able to make things clear. I'm tired of these four walls, tired of myself and tired of being alone. I'm tired of not believing in myself. Of looking at the mirror and feel disgust. Tired of not changing that even though I know I can. I'm tired of going back to the same after all I had to go through. I'm tired of treating myself like shit. Of treating the ones that love me like shit just because I don't think I deserve all the love they give me.
I'm tired of being tired of myself. Of not feeling mature enough because everyone else my age just seem to be so clear about themselves and I'm here still wondering everything. I'm tired of putting myself in the last place and accepting when others just tread on me. Tired of accepting the lack of self love and self confident.
I'm tired of being uncomfortable everywhere I go. Of feeling like crying because I don't feel like I fit in. I'm tired of not fitting in. Tired of not being able to find a place to call mine, to call home. I'm tired of people telling me where I should be and I'm tired of the fact that I accept that. Tired of keeping my thoughts and my opinions deep down to myself because I don't feel free where I am.
I'm tired of questioning myself. Of not finding the real me. Of not finding out who I really want to be or who I really am right now. I'm tired of all the tears and all the breakdowns. I'm tired of feeling small and innocent. Of not feeling strong enough. Of not feeling enough.
I'm tired of drowning in my own despair and fears. I'm tired of keeping my problems to myself because I don't feel like anybody understands. Tired of feeling like a wreck. Tired of feeling weird and alone and tired of feeling sorry for myself.
I'm tired of being tired, and I'm tired of not doing anything to change that.
