The Beachlorette

Ch 1: Houston, We have a problem

Behind me the flames shot ten feet high. Yells rose and people began to run for the jungle.

I smiled.

Alright, so I went a little far. So revenge made me see red and I couldn't stop until every single last person paid for what they tried to do to me. To all of us really.

See, you're coming in halfway through the story. Don't judge, at least not yet, not till you've seen it all, and then if you still think I'm crazy,  put your name on the list.

It's getting rather long.

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"OH MY GOD, look at the water, its SOOooooo BLUE," said one of the Ambers, I'd given up trying to remember which. She jumped up and down in her seat, her enormous breasts bouncing like two flesh colored basketballs ready to take someone's eye out.

"OHHHHHH," one of the Tiffanys squealed, also bouncing. I gripped my seat more tightly. Seriously people, if you going to have boobs this big, hold still while flying. Any more bouncing and they would take down the plane.

I pressed my forehead flat against the window, trying to forget I was suspended miles over the ocean, in a small man-made scrap of metal. My phone had died hours ago and with it all hopes of a peaceful journey. Instead I had endured hours long conversations about nails, hair and ex-boyfriends.

Now I focused my energy on the last thing that could truly divert me; my insane fear of heights and thus flying. I opened my eyes, my stomach jolting as I looked down. So high, so terrifyingly, unsafely high. Very few things in life scared me, in fact, I actually thought snakes, spiders and cockroaches were pretty cool. How awesome would it be to have that many eyes and legs, or even scales? But heights were just against nature. People should not be this high; we were born without wings for a reason. How long would we fall before we crashed into a watery grave?

From my brief glimpse down, I had to admit the water was beautiful. Amber's description of "blue" failed to do it justice. It was a shimmering mixture of light greens and pale blues, and so clear I felt like if we were just a bit closer I could see straight to the bottom. Which is where we will probably be soon, as the other half of the plane had all started bouncing and screeching , "An island! An island!". Most of the plane had a bra size that put watermelons to shame and a spray tan that even an Umpa-Lumpa couldn't touch.

I stared determinedly out of my window, trying to force myself to look down and see the island. Instead I looked out at the wing of the plane, which you would think would reassure me, right? Checking up on this flimsy piece of metal we all trusted our lives to that, let's face it, was probably made in China and missing all sorts of important pieces.

Smoke billowed off the tip.

I blinked several times. I was going insane. I was officially losing it. I put my knuckles up to my eyes, rubbing them until I saw black spots, and then stared out the window again.

More smoke.

This called for drastic action.

"Ummmm, Gazelle?" I repeatedly tapped the shoulder of the woman next to me. Normally I wouldn't have remembered her name, but her eyes were so wide and empty that they genuinely resembled the eyes of an African gazelle. Now I just had to make sure I pronounced it the right way, and not the way I said in my head.

I pointed out the window, and she followed my finger, her eyes growing wide and fearful, like baby gazelle right before a lion pounced. I swallowed and looked out the window, terrified when I saw the smoke now covered the entire wing and was drifting over the window.

"This is your captain speaking," the voice came over the loudspeaker, and sounded strained through the static. "Please prepare for a water landing."

We were going down.

(Don't forget to comment and vote! Also, because it's a very light-hearted story, I have made all of the chapters quite short on purpose, just a heads up :)