The Beachlorette

CH 5: LAND HO!

Please little sharkies, I thought as the fins came closer, I am just skin and bones. Look at all these other women here. Think of all those curvy and juicy morsels! I prayed to the Sharks Gods, but I knew my time of reckoning had come. After all the pollution and plastic we threw in our oceans, those sharks were coming for me first.

Which is a shame, really, because in reference to my earlier comment about snakes, spiders and cockroaches, I also think sharks are really cool. Shark week was the bomb!

And now I would be eaten by one.

But just as I thought I was to meet my end, the so-called-shark popped his head out of the water, revealing a long thin snout with a smile and at the end, two intelligent eyes. A Dolphin!

Four dolphins!

The creatures chirped out their fun little sound, which sent squeals and cheers around the boat. For once I didn't mind, and smiled, reaching over the side. I dipped my hand into the water, allowing one of the dolphins to slide by my hand. He felt almost like a hot-dog, rubbery instead of slimy. They were much bigger than I had imagined, or a least bigger than they looked on Flipper.

The dolphins submerged and I felt a sudden yank on our boat. We were moving! The dolphins were pulling us somewhere! I prayed for a second time that day, this time to the Dolphin Gods. Please, please, say they are taking us to land, or at least not somewhere to make us into a human sacrifice.

The other boat also let up a cheer and began to move as well. Before I knew it we were skimming over the ocean, each boat pulled by two dolphins. The girls around me had already fanned out, rolling up sleeves and skirts to expose the maximum amount of skin to melanoma.

I moved to the front of the boat, sitting where it jutted up at the front, my full weight hardly causing it to dip.

"Not going to tan as well?" The voice startled me, and I turned from my full view of the ocean and the two swimming dolphins to the man with the perfect outfit. I noticed, somehow, miraculously, he wasn't even wet.

"No, my skin pretty much always stays this color," I said, gesturing to my olive skin tone.

"Yes, it's very beautiful, most women would kill for that color. I wish my skin were like that."

 I blinked in surprise. I was used to getting comments from guys that just wanted something, but the way be said it was so genuine that I smiled. 

Also his skin was completely perfect, not tan, but the color of sand in the sun.

"My name is Riley," I said and reached over sideways, leaning backwards from the tip of the boat to shake his hand. His hand dwarfed mine.

"I'm Jonathan. Nice to meet you, Riley."

 I liked the way he spoke, very crisp and precise, as if he didn't want to miss a single syllable. And it was always a plus when someone didn't comment on why I had a boys name. I mean, hello, how many of us are there when our parents pick out our names?

"It's been a bit of an overwhelming day, hasn't it?," Jonathan said, almost with a hint of irony.

I turned to stare at him, but his blue eyes gazed over the ocean, completely calm. It was such a perfectly delivered line, it made me wonder for a moment. To say it had been a bit of an overwhelming day was like saying Miley Cyrus overcorrected a bit after she quit being Hannah Montana.

"Yes, it has been a crazy day," I hedged. But with the salty breeze in my face, the backs of two dolphins in front of me, and the feeling I had escaped death twice today, I breathed in deeply and decided to dismiss any suspicions.

"LAND HOOOO!!!" 

The shout came from the other boat, and we all turned as one. An island! It must have been the one we saw just before we crashed. Already it grew bigger. The dolphins swam faster, cresting in and out of the water.

Less than an hour later we saw the sandy beach. The most difficult part was figuring out how to get to shore. The dolphins left us at the tip of a clear lagoon, leaping away from us gleefully. Some of the girls seemed disappointed they hadn't taken us all the way and built a land bridge from their own bodies and then served us for cocktail hour. Even I was sad to see watch slick, graceful forms disappear. I wished them happy travels and plenty of fish as they swam away.

In the end, Jonathan and I both jumped out of the boat and pulled it to shore. Though Gaston was probably bigger than both of us combined, he claimed he needed to stay aboard to "keep the ladies happy". In part, he succeeded. I was much happier in the water with him still in the boat.

As soon as I was in the water I realized that even though I ran every day, tugging a boat full of women and one giant man to shore is easier said than done.

Jonathan didn't mind our slow pace and kept up a light banter as we swam. I found out he was a fashion designer from New York City, which explained his impeccable taste in clothes. I told him I had just finished a degree in Journalism, and was living in Chicago.

"Why did you decide to take a vacation?" He asked between strokes. He really was a much better swimmer than I, though his sheer weight advantage probably helped.

"I needed needed a break to figure some things out." I said. Actually that was the exact line my filthy, back-stabbing, ex-boyfriend had fed me when he'd left. So I guess I can't say I got nothing out of our relationship. And I stole his toaster. 

"Relationship gone south?" he asked, and smiled in a teasing way.

"More like burned up in the fiery pits of hell." At least I had managed to steal his toaster.

"Well, don't worry then, all you need is a great vacation to freshen up! The boys will come running when you get home!"

I tried not to think, sure, if we ever get home. Jonathan didn't notice my glum expression though, and threw a fist-pump into the air when we made it to shore. Then he shouted to the palm trees and white sand, "We are going to make this the best vacation ever!"

Birds flew up from the trees, but other than that, the white sand stretched into the distance with no trace of human life. 

I looked back at the boat-full of high-maintenance, hysterical glamazons (yes, that includes Gaston), thinking that no one had ever gone a vacation quite like this before.

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