Part 15

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  • Dedicated to who I used to be.
                                    

As hard as I had ever tried, I had never been able to successfully ignore her. I had known, from the first time I saw her, the first time I loved her, that it would be astronomically safer for me to stay away from her, to not let her beneath my skin, into my heart, into my head. I had known from that first day that she would break me, that she would fracture me more with every day I devoted myself to her, that in the end, I would shatter. I had brought it to a fine art, however, not seeing what I already knew to be true. I had promised myself to this beautiful, unassuming woman who had stolen my heart, again an again with each second I loved her. Even as I had watched her loving another, even as I had felt her indifference, even as I had looked on as she was happy without me. Still, I had loved her, and knew I could never be happy without her. Still, I had put everything on the line for her. Those momentary glimpses of who she really was, her innermost self, made me vow to never quit on her, never to be another to walk out on her, never to stop loving her, no matter the cost to me. Even as she had raised the hammer to strike me down, even as she had begun to pull away from my kiss, I had wanted to be the one to save her. Here, I wrote. Here, have my heart to break.

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