Her

Part 29

I sat at my desk in my familiar, uncomfortable chair, my beloved, worn notebook open before me. My pen was poised over a blank sheet of paper, but had given up on getting any writing done hours ago; I was far too distracted and distraught by her unexpected absence to focus on the assignment at hand. My long, dark hair formed a curtain between the vignette I hadn't yet begun and the substitute teacher - not that anyone here paid me any attention anyway. Only her… and she wasn't here.

Every second I had spent with her yesterday ran through my mind, replaying over and over as I searched for some hidden clue as to why she had not come in today. Had she not been ready to go there with me? Was it something I had done - or not done? Or was it that abusive bastard she was engaged to, had he hurt her again? My hands clenched into fists, my knuckles whitening and my fingernails biting into my palms. Heart pounding painfully in my chest, I wondered if he had discovered her infidelity, her love affair, and I grew sick at the thought that he had hurt her because of me. My love for her surged though me like the blood in my veins, and I realized for the first time just how much I would do and give up, to keep the woman of my heart safe. I would even keep myself apart from her, even let her go, if she so desired. Not before making sure we truly safe, of course. Fear settled deep in my soul as I wondered if she would still want me when all this was over, when she no longer needed a sanctuary, a place to hide, a soft, worm body to keep her safe and a willing, hopelessly in-love girl to help her forget the horrors she lived with. Would she still need me when she found her own strength? I realized that it did not matter, that even if it resulted in me alone without her and her in another's embrace, I would not shy from my desire and duty to protect this gentle soul. A shudder ran through me as I released a pent up breath, my very soul aching at the prospect of a life without her in it. Who would be without her love? Just as I knew I would leave her to keep her safe and free, I knew it would kill me to do so. My heart and my soul were far too entwined with hers for me to be whole without her. She was my heart, a part of my soul, after all, and one cannot love without one's heart and with only half a soul.

Under the pretense of spilling the contents of my bag, I stayed behind in the classroom once everyone, including the moronic substitute teacher, had filed out. Missing her more with each step, I slowly made my way to her office, pushing open the unlocked door. Heart heavy, I smiled sadly as I went to sit in her large leather chair behind her mahogany desk. Closing my eyes, I inhaled the subtle smell of her perfume that lingered on the old leather. Before long, I felt hot, salty teats roll unbidden down my cheeks. Pulling my knees up against my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, I sat in my love's leather chair in her office, which had become such a haven for us, and cried. Surrounded by the comforting scent of her perfume and shampoo, I almost felt like it was her embrace I was sinking into rather than her chair. I eventually drifted off to sleep, my tears drying on my cheeks, hiding from the outside world in the safest place I knew, as close to her as I could be.