The Shadows of the Alpha~Jacob Black~

Chapter 12- Love me forever, Darling.

Ellie

I've been back for about two weeks, and I'm feeling much better than I've ever felt. There's just something that isn't...right. I'm happy but I'm not happy at the same time. Everyone is constantly watching me every second of every day. The only time I've been alone is in the bathroom. That's honestly it. Everyone is sleeping now and Grayson is out again. He's been distant ever since I've been home. He looks at me differently now, and I don't know why. I just want to be alone for a little while. I want to see Jacob, and that's part of my problem. I shouldn't be so attached to him. I love Grayson, which is basically the only thing I'm sure of right now.

But I'm having a panic attack and I can't breathe in this house anymore. He's not here to help be right now, I have no idea where he is.

He might be in trouble, my brother is fast asleep, and everyone else is in the den asleep concealed behind concrete blocks napping. I ran my fingers through my hair after wiping away my tears and I grabbed the keys to the jeep and wrote a note. I just had to get out of here for a while. Just a few minutes, I'm finally healed enough to start running. I need to do something, if I stay here tonight I'm going to explode.

I looked up at the stars as I ran to the car, it's all so beautiful up there. I started the car and backed out of the driveway after leaving Grayson a voicemail. My headlights flashed on and I drove. I didn't know where I was going or where I wanted to go, I just let my brain lead me into the darkness. I rolled down the window to smell the rain and I started to cry even more. I was sobbing, which meant I had to pull over before I killed someone. Although, I don't know who's driving around at two in the morning.

I wiped my eyes and started running, and it felt good to have my feet smack against the ground, of course I forgot shoes, but that was the least of my problems. I took a deep burning breath and ran as fast as I could. I must've run at least a two miles before I completely broke down and fell to my knees. I noticed my legs were bleeding from running against branches, and my feet were bleeding. I could hear water nearby, and I thought of something so awful.

I let out a sob and cupped my eyes with my hands, "I don't know what to do anymore," I whispered towards the sky. I hope that God hears me.

I cried out, " I'm trying my best, but I know that my best isn't good enough. I don't know how to be happy anymore. I'm so sorry, I was doing so well but I.... can't... there's something wrong with me. I don't know how to fix it anymore."

I jumped when I heard a howl, and it wasn't anyone from my brothers pack. I slowly got up, wiped my eyes even though that just made me cry more and I started walking back to my car. I wish I knew what was wrong with me, but I just couldn't handle things. I feel like I'm losing everything I worked so hard for. Grayson probably doesn't love me anymore, I don't know where the hell he is, I want to talk to Jacob but I know I can't feel the way I feel. I'm bursting at the seams with pain that doesn't even physically exist.

There's something so awful about missing someone that hasn't even left. My hands hurt, my feet hurt, my head is killing me, my eyes are itching and I think my gums are bleeding. I was suddenly so angry that I hadn't even noticed it was raining until I heard the thunder, and after that I heard a snap of a twig. I took a step forward, looking for someone, or something. Something sparked in me and made my heart beat faster and I turned around. A huge, russet colored wolf, walking up to me.

I ran my fingers slowly along it's ear and looked into it's eyes, "you scared me, Jacob." I was still crying, but I don't think he can tell, due the downpouring rain. He nudged me with his nose and started walking with me. He stopped for a moment, looked up at me and it was like I could read his mind, he was trying to ask me what was wrong.

I let out a shaky sigh, "I was doing so well... now... I think there's something wrong with me. I didn't mean to come on your territory, I just couldn't breathe and I didn't know where to go."

He let out a gruff sound and continued to walk with me. I looked down at my bloody hands and saw the scrapes from the ground and the branches. Jacob's wolf walked a few paces ahead of me and I saw the necklace I gave him dangling from his neck and I smiled. I haven't smiled in a long time.

I sighed, "I can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen... so please be careful okay? Tell that to everyone, and tell them I'll see them soon." His wolf nodded and watched me to make sure I got in my car. My phone was buzzing as soon as I got in.

I sniffed, "hello?"

A sigh, "thank God. Where are you, babe? Were you sleepwalking? I can come get you, do you know where you are?"

"Grayson, I'm fine. I wasn't sleepwalking I just had a panic attack. I'm really okay, I took the jeep. I'll be home in ten, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

I pulled the jeep into the garage and turned off the engine, everyone was still asleep. Thank God, I would be in so much trouble if they had woken up, especially Declan. I wiped my feet on the mat, leaving streaks of blood I'd have to wash out later.

"What happened?" Grayson picked me up off of the floor and sat me on the counter. I didn't know what to tell him. I didn't know if I should tell him I ran into Jake, well, he probably knew that by how I smelled.

"Where were you? Where have you been? Look, I know that you can't spend all your time with me. I know that, but you have a pack that needs you. None of us has any idea where you've been going and I can't keep defending-" he cut me off with a deep kiss. He ran his hands down my arms and placed his forehead on mine.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" I rolled my eyes, he was avoiding the subject again. I sat quietly as he bandaged my hands and feet.

"Grayson, you can't keep lying to me,especially me of all people." He sighed and lifted me up into a bridal position and let out another soft sound.

"I'll tell you everything tomorrow, okay. Let's get you to sleep."

I sighed, "I can't sleep, Grayson. I have nightmares when you aren't here." I hated that I sounded so needy and desperate, but I never lie to Grayson.

"I'm here now, okay. How about I read to you?" I nodded and ran my fingers over the duvet. Grayson's room is opposite to mine and it really doesn't make any sense for him to have one, we just drag his mattress into my room and he sleeps in my room... well, when he's here.

I leaned against his shoulder and curled myself up to him as he opened the book, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I grabbed his free hand and let out a deep breath.

Twenty minutes ago, I was balling my eyes out, and considering jumping from a cliff, and now I feel completely safe. I was with someone who would chase away my nightmares and love me forever.

Now it's time for a difficult question.....

What team are you on?

Team Grayson or team Jacob?

Let me know in the comments below!!!

Love you.