Short Stories and Poems by Me

Lets See What Happens

So this is another poem, well I don't even know if its a poem, or if it makes sense, though no ones reading this, so it doesn't matter.

You're not good enough

You’ll never make it

You’re not good enough

You’ll never make it

You’re not good enough

Lower your expectations

You’re not good enough

On constant rerun inside my head.

Though no one ever said them directly to me. I knew they were there resting on the tip of their tongues, never coming out so blunt always sugar coated in compliments, and other things meant to ease the pain.

“You should be a Language Teacher when you grow up”, my language teacher at the time said, “your writings so clear, you understand symbolism so well, and your reading level is higher than anyone's in the class”

I smiled sweetly at her, not giving a verbal response. Shes smiled back at me, probably not even expecting one. I’m a shy kid, shes used to it.

But in my head, let me tell you. I was on a fucking rampage.

A language teacher? I pondered silently.

A fucking language teacher, I thought feeling anger bubble up in my chest, yes thats every kids dream... to come back to the place they once dreaded coming to every morning, to teach a bunch of kids, 95% of them not giving a shit.

She knew I aspired to be a writer.

An explorer of the unknown caverns of my head, and of the world, to be able to describe ideas with grace, understanding, beauty, confusion... emotion. To be eyes for the blind. I wanted to tell thrilling, sweet, heart wrenching, insightful, beautiful stories.

But no. I'm not good enough.

I'm good enough to be a Language teacher, to teach about other peoples  thrilling, sweet, heart wrenching, insightful, beautiful stories, to teach children how to dissect them, understand their full beauty. But no, I will never be the one to put that beauty on to paper, I will only the deliverer the one to teach it.

I went home, like the kid I was. I went home and told my mom what my teacher had said. I explained to her how I had bigger aspirations than a mere language teacher, I told her my wishes, and dreams.

She sat and listened quietly, mothers are great like that. When she spoke, it was not the inspirational words I was sure would fall from her mouth instead it was “You know honey, you should major in English in college, you could be an Language teacher.”

My mom, the one person who told me to never give up on what I want to be, to always try harder, just gave me a reality check. A big slap in the face with your not good enough.

I began to believe them.

You're not good enough

You’ll never make it

You’re not good enough

You’ll never make it

You’re not good enough

Lower your expectations

You’re not good enough

On constant rerun inside my head, put their by people I loved, looked up to, and trusted.

I went on like this for awhile, not trying in Language anymore. What's the point? I wouldn't make it anyway.

But then it hit me, like a bomb in my mind had just exploded

Who are the to say, what I'm going to be? I have my whole life ahead of me. I'm only fourteen years young,  I haven't even hardly begun. Theres still one person who believes in me.Though they lost hope for a while sailing on the sea of what people told them, but they're back now stronger than ever. That's me, I belive I can do it, I believe in me, I have a future of whatever I want to be.

I want to be the creator, not the preacher

So, to all of you people who told me what I should be when I grew up at the age of 14, I say “yeah i believed you for awhile, I believed there were certain things I couldn't be, just because other people said so, but now I know I can be anything I set my mind to, so screw you. I’m going have a blast proving you wrong.”

I’ll push a little stronger, try a little harder, let loose, love. I will try, I won’t settle for what you said I could be at age 14, I will settle for what I can be, whatever that is, its changing everyday, the more I grow. the more I experience.

I can do it. I can make it. I am the creator of my own future, lets see what happens.