Can't Get Me With Love (Lost Series #2)

CHAPTER 01

All of my life, all I wanted was to be loved by my father. Walang araw, oras, minuto, segundo na hindi ako umaasa na isang araw uuwi ako galing sa paaralan na nasa bahay na siya at may dalang laruan para sa akin. Uuwi ako galing sa kakalaro sa labas na nasa bahay na siya at may dalang lechon manok para pang tanghalian namin. At gigising ako na madadatnan kong nagluluto siya ng almusal namin... gaya lang nang dati.

I dreamt of a father who would be there for me, who would play catch with me in the park, who would read me bedtime stories, who would be my biggest cheerleader. I dreamt of a father who would love me unconditionally, who would be proud of me, who would always be there for me, no matter what.

But that dream was shattered the day he left.

Ever since my father left us, I've viewed love as a game. Kapag sinabihan ka ng isang lalaki na mahal ka niya, technically hindi naman talaga, dahil ang mga lalaki, gaya ng tatay ko, gusto lang naman makuha ang gusto nila sa 'yo.  At kapag nakuha na nila, mawawala na sila na parang bula.

It sucks.

Sabi nila masakit daw ang maiwan na alam mo ang dahilan dahil maipapamukha nito sa 'yo ang mga pagkukulang mo. However, it hurts more na maiwan nang hindi alam ang dahilan.

My father disappeared without a word. Gumising nalang kami ni Mama na wala na ang anino ng walang hiya kong ama. Wala na lahat ng gamit niya sa bahay. Wala siyang iniwan na dahilan at sulat kung bakit!

And all I know is... he left us because he didn't really love us like how he used to say. All those "I love yous" from him were all fake.

Makalipas ang ilang buwan, nalaman nalang namin sa kapitbahay namin na may iba ng pamilya ang tatay ko at pumunta sila sa ibang lugar para doon mamuhay.

His absence left a gaping hole in my heart, a constant ache that I couldn't seem to shake. I tried to bury the pain, to pretend it didn't exist, but it was always there, a shadow lurking at the edges of my consciousness.

I was angry, hurt, and confused. Why did he leave? What did I do wrong?

"Sama ka mamaya? Birthday ni Bianca. I asked her if I can bring you with and Shanelle me and she said yes! So, g?" Masayang tanong ni Maiko sa akin.

It's been a week since classes started, and I'm settling in pretty well. The subjects aren't too hard, and my classmates are okay. Most of them I've known since high school because we go to the same school, but we weren't really close.

I'm trying to get closer to them now, though, since we'll be together for a long time. It's nice to have people to talk to, to laugh with, to just be around.

"G! Hindi naman siguro 'no gift, no entry' 'no?" I asked, laughing.

I know Bianca. She's one of the kindest people I know. She is currently 3rd year college right now. Madalas kaming nasa bahay nila noon dahil malapit sila masyado ni Maiko kaya doon kami laging naglalaro.

I envy Maiko for having a cousin like Bianca. I, on the other hand, never got to experience that kind of closeness with my cousins. I never got to laugh with them, hang out with them, or just enjoy each other's company.

It's a little sad, but I guess that's just how things are.

Tuwing reunion ng mga Velarde nakakasama ko ang mga pinsan ko but they're always ignoring me like I'm the most uninterested species in the world.

I don't care though because I'm not expecting them to be nice to me. Hindi nga nila magawang maging mabuti sa Mama ko, sa akin pa kaya!

My mother's family view her like a illegitimated daughter of their family. Naging ganoon lang daw ang tingin at trato ng pamilya ni Mama sa kaniya simula 'nong sinuway ni Mama si Lola at Lolo.

My grandparents wants my mother to pursue law because that's their family genes. Velarde's family pursue's law, expect my mother. Simula raw sa kanononoan nila ay law na ang kinuha kaya naging basehan na nila ito.