Watch Your Back

.:Chapter Nine:.

   He sighed deeply, gripping the envelope in his hands until his knuckles turned white. "Okay, Brian, you can do this.." He whispered to himself as he stood in front of his ex-boyfriend's house. His heart ached as he remembered the first night they spent together in that house; they had made love in the shower, and Zacky had opened up his heart to him.. And then Brian had ruined everything because of his line of work. It's always the fucking job that scares them away.. Granted, who wouldn't be scared away by a murderer? He thought with a pitiful chuckle before he laid the envelope on the doorstep, rang the doorbell, and then ran to hide around the side of the house so he could hide out of view.
   The front door opened, and Zacky raised a brow as he stared down at the plain white envelope with his first name on it. Strange.. He thought as he bent down and picked it up, glancing around for a moment to see if anyone was watching him. After he was satisfied that nobody was watching him with the letter, he went back in his house and closed the door behind him, sitting on the couch to tear the envelope open. He pulled out three pieces of folded notebook paper, unfolding each one carefully so that he could read their contents.
   When Brian was satisfied that Zacky was inside, he got into his car that was parked down the street and then drove back home, hoping he would read the entire letter.

   'Zacky,
      I know you said you never wanted to hear from me or see me again, and I know you're probably going to throw this letter out halfway through reading it, but that isn't going to stop me from trying. That fight we had a few weeks ago really opened my eyes to the world and all the things in it. When I was at the bar, drowning my tortured soul in cheap liquor and cigarettes, I had a sudden realization about you.
      I'm in love with you. I have been ever since the day we met, and I think the reason I'm just now coming to that realization is because I've already lost you. That old saying, you don't know what you have until it's gone? That's fucking true as hell. This hurts more than you could ever imagine, and if you don't ever want to see me again even after I pour my heart out to you, that's fine. Just know that I tried. I tried so hard to make this relationship work, because I felt something for you that I've never felt about anyone else. And I think you felt that way about me, too. I'm not really sure anymore. This isn't easy for me to write out, much less say, so please, don't just take this with a grain of salt.
      When I was six years old, I walked in on my mother being beaten by my stepfather. He had her pinned to the bed and he was throwing punches like a fucking mixed martial arts fighter. I didn't know what to do, so I pounced on him and started scratching him. He wouldn't move. I ended up having to be the one to call the ambulance because my mother was beaten so badly that she couldn't talk, and my stepfather refused to call. I was six years old, speaking for my mother at the hospital because my stepfather was angry that she didn't return his call one time.
      She was hospitalized for a month because of her injuries. Never once did he come to visit her, did he try to apologize, did he offer to watch me. I didn't want him to watch me. I stayed in the hospital, right by her side, for a goddamn month. We finally went back home after she was mostly healed, and we knew the situation we were walking into wouldn't be good. He sent me to bed, and all that night, I could hear them yelling and arguing, up until about 3 am when I heard my mother tell him she was going to leave. Then, there was complete silence, and then there was a gunshot. Afraid for my life, I huddled down into my covers and covered my head with the pillow, but it didn't stop there. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Six gunshots total, all because my mother wanted to leave her abusive husband. Still, it didn't stop there.
      He came into my room and locked the door behind him. He held the gun to my head and told me if I said anything, I'd be dead. That's when he molested me. I was six years old when the man I was supposed to trust destroyed my entire childhood. The next day, I called my grandparents and told them everything that happened and they came and got me, and we ran away to a small town in Arizona. I lived there up until I was 18, and then I moved into town once I got on my own feet. That's when I became a hitman. I wanted to get back at my stepfather for destroying my life, and I figured this was a good way to do it. But I only ended up destroying my life further after I met you.
      This isn't meant to guilt you into getting back with me, this is just to let you know that I've felt the pain that you've felt. I seem heartless, but I've just got walls up that take a lot to break through. You climbed over them, though. And now I don't ever want to let you go, but I will if it's what makes you happy. All I want is for you to be happy, Zack, because I love you with my entire heart. At first, getting to know you was about the job. But then, it turned into me wanting to know you because I loved you. I always will.

        -Brian'

   Zacky closed his eyes, laying the papers down on the coffee table before he busted into tears. Never in his life did he think a letter would make him so emotional. He felt so awful now, thinking about the things he had yelled at him when he made him leave. He had to apologize to him in some way or another, so as swiftly as possible, he tugged his shoes on and then sprinted out of the house, in the direction of Brian's apartment. His lungs were burning and his legs were cramping, but he wouldn't stop until he got there. He had to let Brian know that he was still in love with him and that everything would be okay. He reached the door in record time, and as he was struggling to regain his breath, he began feverishly poking the doorbell.
   Brian opened the door cautiously, raising his brows at the sight of a sweaty, disheveled, out-of-breath Zacky. "Z-Zee, what are you-" He was cut-off mid sentence by the hazel-eyed man pressing a feverish kiss to his lips, their tongues clashing together greedily. "Zacky.." He sobbed into his mouth, pulling him inside and shutting the door behind them.
   "I forgive you," Zacky breathed, leading Brian into his own bedroom and then pushing him onto the bed. "I forgive you for everything. I can't live without you." He then climbed on top of the brown-eyed man and smashed their lips together once more, letting their hips roll together in a grinding motion. Brian let his head fall backwards, his mouth popping open as he let out a loud, pleading moan.
   "Ohh, love.. Don't keep me waiting.." Brian whimpered, gripping his hazel-eyed love's hips tightly and then rolling them around to where he was underneath him. He let his lips seal onto Zacky's neck, creating a vibrant hickey as his hands drifted downwards and undid the button and zip on his love's jeans. After a few more minutes of teasing touches, kisses and grinding, Brian completely stripped the both of them, hovering over Zacky on all fours. Then, as slowly as their relationship had blossomed, Brian pushed himself into his love and began their night-long love making session, hoping that it wouldn't end any time soon.