Merry Go Round

5 ~ Torn Apart

Torn Apart

*Madelynn*

Maybe it was the suddenness of the call, or maybe it was the sound of that oh-so familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

Then again...maybe it was both.

Hearing his voice, my father's voice, after two years of nothing was much more shocking than someone walking up to me and holding a gun to my head as they robbed me. All these years I never contemplated what I would say if he called, I simply decided not to think of the small possibility of what-ifs. I didn't want to be disappointed once again.

When he called though, while I was shocked into next year, I knew what it would be about. The practically one-sided conversation had, of course, been over my failure to finish my book. I had tried convincing him that I had been working on it steadily, but he wouldn't listen.

So here I am, holed up in my apartment for the better part of two days. My phone had been vibrating until it died this morning. No doubt with calls from Zach, but I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone. It wasn't until I got a buzz from the receptionist of the apartments said I had a phone call that I finally decided to say something.

"Who is it?" I buzzed back, and the receptionist quickly answered back.

"The hospital."

I was plugging up my phone and returning the first missed call immediately.

"Carrolton County Hospital, who is this?" a bored man asked.

"My name is Madelynn Richards," I spoke quickly. "I've been getting calls all day and-"

"Oh, you," the man spoke with an emotionless voice now. "Ms. Richards, I regret to inform you that your father was instated into the hospital yesterday night. You can make arrangements..."

I regret to inform you...

Hospital...

Make arrangements...

How?

Why?

"How-" I choked back my tears. "What-?"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry," the man spoke with a bit more sincerity to his tone. "I'm very sorry, but it was a heart-attack. He had come in for chest pains, and quickly it escalated to a heart-attack. He's on watch by the doctors, but I would recommend coming in quickly," then the man sighed, a sympathy filled sigh. "Sweetie, he doesn't have much time left."

"I'll...I'll call someone about the...um, the arrangements," I stumbled over my words as I fell down on my bed, warm tears rolling down my cool cheeks.

How did it come to this? Why did it have to be the last time I might have talked to him? Why did we have to fight?

It's my fault.

I could feel the guilt building in my chest, making it harder to breathe.

My fault.

I got off my bed in a fury of guilt, my mind clouded with a gray haze. I could hear crashes, and I could see what I was doing, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop pushing books off of shelves, throwing lamps, or even pushing all of my furniture around. Papers were flying around in the air, stained with my tears, and my bookshelf was falling, stained with my blood from a cut. I didn't want to deal with the pain, so I just let it do as it pleased. I let the pain and guilt wreck my fragile piece of sanity, tearing me apart from the inside out.

My tears were remnants of the past, and the blood flowing from my hand when I cut it on the bookshelf would no doubt leave a scar.

A reminder of this horrible day that's all my fault.

A reminder of when I lost myself...again.

My phone rang again, but I didn't want to listen to it anymore. I shut it off and stuck it in my pocket.

Who would I call?

No one. You have no one.

Why did I shut everyone out?

Because you're a coward.

My head was spinning, and my thoughts didn't even seem my own as the accusatory words filled my mind.

Selfish.

Cowardly.

Alone.

I hated it, I hated being in this apartment with no on by my side, no one I could trust. I couldn't turn to anyone I know, because I technically only know Zach, and who does that? Who pours all of their problems onto someone they just met?

If humans have ever been smart about anything, it's about keeping things to themselves. Why share your problems and have someone else bare your burden? It's yours, that's why you are the one who deals with it. I won't let anyone else have to take on my burden, because that would be selfish.

A lone tear fell down my cheek as I shut the door to my apartment, not really knowing where to go but knowing I couldn't stay there. I would call and make the arrangements, pay for his bills because there's no way in hell that he had the money to pay it. I would do something...just not now.

So I didn't even bother putting a coat on, or slipping on some socks and shoes, I simply left my apartment in jeans and a tank-top.

And as I walked further and further, my heart was cut into deeper and deeper.

I was slowly being torn apart from the inside out.

* * *

This chapter is a bit shorter, sorry!

Please don't be afraid to vote or comment, I love those!!