Random shit!!!

old suicide note

I found this note while I was going threw my documents.

February, 3 2015, 8:48Pm

Well I'm alone again, I've always been alone, I find it funny how everyone says I'm not alone but I am, where were you when I was awake at 3:30 am on a Friday night crying to myself? Where were you when I was cutting up my wrists at 2:48 am on a Saturday night? Where are you now when I'm in pain from taking 15 ibuprofen pills? You're not here and I needed you but you had something more important to do. Point is I'm dying while typing this and you could care less. No one noticed when my grades fell or when scares crossed my arms and legs, no one noticed, no one cared.

Maybe you'll care when I'm gone, or maybe you won't. It doesn't matter. I should have gotten help but I just couldn't. I didn't want to face my family and the looks of disappointment and pity. I wanted to believe I was ok when I wasn't. Everyone around me was so blind and deaf to my cries for help. I can't handle this loneliness any more, I just can't.

I'm sorry mom, dad, that I wasn't a better daughter. There is so much to apologies for, but so little time. I'm sorry I always argued with you about everything. I'm sorry that my grades are shit. I'm sorry that I cost you so much money in medical bills. And I'm sorry that you had to spend so much money to pay for my funeral. I'm sorry I left you.

Trinity, I'm sorry I wasn't the best sister to you. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I did to you, all the name calling. I'm sorry that you won't grow up with me by your side. I'm sorry I won't be there when you need me the most. I'm sorry and can you take care of lane for me?

John, I'm deeply sorry that you had a fucked up little sister like me. I'm sorry that I kept you up till around 4:30 in the morning on school nights. I'm sorry I dumped all my problems on you. I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry.

Torri, I'm sorry that I was a bad friend. I'm sorry for all the nights I called you at midnight telling you that I wanted to die. I'm sorry that I caused you so much grief. I'm sorry I broke you and john up. I'm sorry.

Chloe, I'm sorry to you the most. I made a promise to you and I didn't keep it. I'm sorry I left you here to deal with all this pain and sadness. You might not even get to read this, but you were one of my very best friends even if you lived in a totally different state. I felt like I could talk to you about anything and everything. Sorry I broke my promise.

I'm sorry to everyone else that you had to put up with me, I was just a waste of space anyway. I hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me and to carry on living. What none of you know is that I gave up long ago and I just didn't care anymore. I played and re played every possible way I could of died and I never thought it be this way. I think my decline started way back in middle school when I first cut an "A" in to my arm. I was fascinated by that "A". But it wasn't till I got my pink camo hunting knife that it got out of hand, then when I found the countless pencil sharpeners it got even worse. Then came the months of depression and suicidal thoughts. It all led up to this, my note to you all, telling you how sorry I am for leaving you all. It's time for me to go.

Goodbye, and good reddens to this dyeing planet.