Chapter 4 - The Name's Bond, Bambi Bond
I opened the car door, just as Rhos was pulling up into a parking space, jumping out and rolling on the ground.
Cause I'm a smurf ninja.
I started humming random Abba songs, like Rowan Atkinson does in Johnny English (A/N Has to be the funniest film ever!) as I crouched down behind cars, running away from the baddie, a.k.a Rhos.
I passed a vaguely familiar car, just as one of my other best friends Xaviera jumped out from it. She saw me running past, crouching down as I did so and gave me one of her well known ’ what-in-the-frogs-has-the-world-come-to’ faces. Then she saw the paint. And fell to the floor, laughing her socks off.
So, yeah. I may look a little weird running around like a crippled old man, my hair matted with blue paint - that was also on my face and practically about every other part of my body. But that doesn't mean she can laugh at me - the legendary Bond, Bambi Bond. So I jumped up in top of her, held my hands together, and with my imaginary gun, shot her in the head. She just looked up at me with wide eyes, professionally made up with eyeliner and mascara, her shocked mouth looking out of place with her lip ring and deep purple lipstick that matched her hair.
"The names Bond, Ba-" Was all I could say before she had jumped up shouting "Oh! You did not just kill me!" and shooting me with her hands.
I stared at her in disbelief for a whole thirty seconds before muttering "So it seems the friend has become the enemy." And running away from her.
We spent a whole five minutes running around the car park, shooting and yelling at each other. Normally, bystanders would watch us in utter confusion, but this was me and my friends. People knew to stay at least 5 feet away from us, if they didn't want to be whacked round the head with a mannequins arm. Trust me, been there, done that. So, people just gave us a curious glance and then went back to doing their thing - whatever that was.
At this point, I was winning, having only been shot sixteen times, and Xaviera was at twenty-three. But, of course, I had to just go and run into something.
So, there I was, with my torso on one side and my legs on the other, casually hanging off a car door. How do I end up into these situations?
"OhMyGod!" Xaviera screamed at me, just before she collapsed into helpless fits of full blown laughing.
I groaned in pain, this door was going to cost me a bruise on my stomach, since that was the only thing holding me up.
"Will you shut up already and help me down, you sadistic little hobbit!" I yelled at my supposedly best friend, who was still cackling like a hyena and ignoring my pleas for help.
"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL LLAMAS WILL YOU PUT A SOCK IN IT AND HELP ME OFF THIS DOOR BEFORE I GET MY PIMPS ON YOU!" I screamed, causing not only her but practically everyone in the Sixth Form car park to look at me.
But, Xaviera being ignorant to the condition I'm in and all the staring teenagers just asked "You have pimps?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"Well then, can't they help you off the door?" I could hear the smirk in her voice, but all I could do was let out an irritated sigh.
"Please Xaviera. I'll do anything for you!" I pleaded.
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"Would you give me your first born?" She asked sweetly. See? Sadistic! But right now I really didn't care about the consequences, all of my blood was rushing towards my head making me feel a bit light headed.
"Deal." I stated firmly. Anything to get of this fuddling door.
"Really?" She asked suspiciously.
"Yes. Really."
"Really, really?"
"Really."
"Really, really, really?"
"OH MY JELLYBEANS. JUST HURRY UP ALREADY!" Gosh, I'm going to get a sore throat with all the shouting I've done today.
"Okay, geez, I'm hurrying. No need to go all angry hippo on me." She muttered as she unceremoniously pushed me off the door, causing me to land in a heap.
I was about to start shouting - again - when a deep, smooth voice interrupted and asked “Are you alright?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Chapter four is up! *insert wild crowd applausing whilst doing a mexican wave*
Hope you like it :)
Don't forget to comment and vote if you wish.
Not sure when the next upload is going to be, I'm going to aim for one or two uploads a week methinks :)
Katie x
YOU ARE READING
Carebears, Hippy Inspired Parents and the New Weres in Town.
HumorBambi-Nevada's life was about to get a little more complicated. Having to suffer the jokes at school for being named after a Disney character and an American state, courtesy of her hippy inspiring parents. Live through exceptionally weird dreams inv...
