LONG LOST LOVER

Chapter 8

DANNIE'S P.O.V

Good morning. I didn't even sleep last night.

Mom made me delicious breakfast that she said as a good start for my first day in Laredo. Nice. Still sounds pathetic to me.

"Have fun! Bring me all purpose flour from grocery store!" Mom excitedly spoke.

"Anything else?" I replied in deep sigh.

"No." She smiled. "Don't come home before you gain back that sweet cute face."

Chuckles, chuckles. She said that. I might not be coming home til next year then. See. I'm totally lost. Look at this traffic. Parents said I should blend with society. Then tell me where should I start? Besides, I've been pathetically refusing this since the very beginning.

I made my way to a park downtown. Hell I didn't remember how I got here. I just did. Sitting on a park bench by myself and a tight loudest BYE songs in my ears. Don't bother to say hi.

"Hey. Can I sit here?"

A guy tapped my shoulder politely. I know it's a guy because his pair of shoes was the first thing my eyes caught.

"Excuse me?"

"No don't be scared. First, I'm a good guy. Second, I'm asking because here's my usual place to sit everyday to work."

"Work?" I gave a head to toe look. "Work?"

"I swear it's called working." He took a space next to me before I nod but he seemed nice. "I'm a writer."

"Cool."

"Ronson." He offered a hand shake. "Adam Ronson."

"Dannie."

"Just Dannie?"

"Basically Dayana, but please just Dannie."

"I like that." He giggled.

Surprisingly, between my hard time understanding why and how I should react to new friends, this Adam guy just did it smoothly. He literally asked me to sit there to work on his book because it's been where he gets inspiration. Practically I stole his kingdom. And more surprisingly, I didn't feel like leaving. It's good to have a companion who you know his name is, again.

I miss Toby.

"Dannie, you okay?"

"Yeah." I snapped myself back. "What are you writing? Fiction?"

"True. It's titled Blue Valentine. You wanna know what this is about?" He excitedly turned around at me.

I saw that happiness in his eyes. Couldn't say no. "Please do."

"So... It's about a girl who's having hard time finding the right Valentine. It's like Valentine curse. She gets close to someone, being asked out, then the guy leaves right after that 'Happy Valentine' thing. It's been years in a deep searching of love til she thinks she's tired and gives up. I still haven't decided how the ending would be, but that's the plot."

"Wait." I cleared my throat. "Why writing about girl's feeling? Why taking notes on girl's side? You're the guy."

"Because I want to snap girls back to earth, that the only ones that controls their feelings are themselves. They allow themselves to feel bad or sad over something when they can actually control not to."

"I don't follow." I raised my eyebrows. Heck this guy was rude with his thoughts about girl's feelings.

"Have you ever been feeling heart broken?"

"Yeah." I blinked, once, very deeply.

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

I nodded.

"But have you ever considered why you should feel so? Why didn't you choose the opposite feeling, to just release that and keep going? Why would you have to feel broken heart if that sucks?"

I didn't blink anymore. He's somewhat damn right.

"But hey it's humanly normal."

"I didn't say you should not feel it, or the suckish feeling magically disappears. No. What I'm saying is, why we keep choosing the hurtful one when we know we can end it anytime."

"Uncontrollable." I murmured.

"Just like telling a person they have made you feel bad after some talk is weirdly rude. You know why? Because despite whatever people judge on us, we have that power to decide what our hearts want to feel. So why blame it back to people who practically just speak something up to us? They have no control of yourself. You own it. So whenever you feel bad, it's you, under your own control, letting yourself to feel so. We just live in denial with 'undeniable feeling' to justify our powerless self."

"Damn that's huge." I chuckled.

"That's make sense, however, isn't it?"

I stared at him. Cursing it deep inside because he's all right about it. "Yeah it is."

"Cool! So it's about that. I want to encourage girls, mostly girls because they're soft-hearted creatures, to stand up, to still feel okay no matter what. Not faking it up. But to literally feel okay because they know they can choose to feel so instead."

"You're a good writer." I smiled at him.

"Hey thank you!" He giggled, started typing again. "I haven't seen you before."

"Just arrived from Orlando."

"Moving in? Permanently?"

I wish I didn't. "Depends on how my parents label it."

Adam stopped doing what he did. He turned around and checked my reaction. I tried so hard to hide my shaky voice and stupid watery eyes. I didn't plan to open myself to a stranger. Not in Laredo. Last time I did, I got a year full of bullies and judgements.

"You don't feel like staying." He done reading my face. "Do you?"

"I miss my city, that's all."

"I can be your friend. That, you wouldn't feel alone anymore."

"I see that." I pointed to his opened document on the laptop.

"If this friendship only takes a little Starbucks hang or bicycling around town, I can make it." Adam closed his work. "Let's start over. Hi, I'm Adam Ronson. You are?"

"Dannie Estrada."

Didn't see that coming, but I just gave my last name to a stranger. Countless nights I swore myself not to do it, I broke my own promise in twenty minutes.

"Finally." He smiled. "Hey would you mind taking care of my belongings here for a while please?"

"Not at all. Where you going?"

"First celebration." He pointed to a small Starbucks store.

"Thank you." I nodded.

So here I am. Having purse phone and laptop of a new stranger-slash-friend as he's ordering a Starbucks for me, on the first day here in Laredo. No I wasn't giving up on Orlando. I still missed my life there. I still should go back to Toby someday.

I unlocked my iPhone only to boost my mood. See that wallpaper? Aren't we pathetically cute?