Black Heart (SoulScape #2)

Chapter 8

"I think I'm too old for this level of...activity," Frank mumbled. His head felt like it was full of lead and his body equally weighted with exhaustion. Alec looked at him as he hugged the pillow, his eyes heavy and words thick with exhaustion.

"You did fine," Alec assured him bluntly.

A low chuckle drifted out of Frank. "I'm flattered," he smirked.

"Should I have used a different word, doc?"

Frank smiled and wrapped his arm around Alec's waist, and kissed his shoulder. "No," he murmured. "Fine works for me. I'm lucky to get that much."

Alec twisted his head and met Frank's tired gaze. "You fuck very well, doc. I like your cock much better than the others."

The others. His relaxed mood shifted and he sank down against the pillow again, feeling the strain on his face.

"I said something wrong?" Alec asked.

"No," Frank lied.

"I did," Alec said. "Why was that wrong? You don't like that your cock is better?"

Frank twisted onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "I do like it, Alec," he spoke low with an audible strain in his voice. "I guess I just never thought about you being with others. Of course, I knew you were, but...but I never consciously thought about it."

"It bothers you?"

"Yeah, I guess it does," Frank whispered. He didn't want it to...but it did.

"Why?"

His throat working, Frank looked at Alec, a faint wetness in his eyes. "You wouldn't understand."

"Do you think I'm not smart enough to understand?"

"No, Alec, that isn't it at all," Frank assured him. "I think you're very smart."

"Then tell me why it bothers you," he said. "Explain it to me."

The boy asked as if Frank's explanation might help him understand. It wouldn't. He didn't feel the things Frank felt –the things anyone felt. And to understand this –one had to feel with their heart.

"I was your first," Frank said quietly. "I mean, the first to make love to you. The first man you willingly gave yourself to."

Alec stared at him, uncomprehending as to what this meant.

"I liked being the only man to touch you that way, Alec," he whispered. "It's irrational and unrealistic, but...I didn't want anyone else to hold you the way I did...or be held by you, the way you held me." A soft laugh puffed off his lips but it lacked humor. "I suppose I'm jealous."

"Jealous." Alec murmured as if tasting the word. "What does that feel like?"

Frank swallowed hard and turned his stare to the ceiling again. Moisture gathered at the corners of his eyes. "The worst feeling ever," he told the boy. "It's like...possessing something so precious to you, that you just want to keep all to yourself...and if someone else touches it, or even looks at it too long like they might want to take it away from you...your heart twists up into knots until you can't breathe, you feel hurt and scared and...and angry." He blinked, nudging warm tears loose. "Sometimes it makes you just want to let go of your possession and run as far away from it as possible...just so you don't have to feel that way again. And sometimes..." He turned his head on the pillow and gazed at Alec, tears distorting his vision. "...Sometimes you just want to hold on tighter and never let them out of your sight ever again."

The boy stared at him for a moment then turned onto his back.

Of course you don't understand, Frank thought, his throat squeezing tighter. How can you? Maybe he didn't want to give Frank up to someone else, but it wasn't about jealousy. It didn't affect him on an emotional level to think of Frank with another man. Alec simply viewed Frank as belonging to him. He was being territorial. Like any wild animal would.